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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23380072">Do not go gently</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicfingers/pseuds/Magicfingers'>Magicfingers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Violence, Domestic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Physical Abuse, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Sad, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Trauma, Unplanned Pregnancy, damage, lots of emotions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:40:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,883</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23380072</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicfingers/pseuds/Magicfingers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Do not go gentle into that good night,<br/>Old age should burn and rave at close of day;<br/>Rage, rage against the dying of the light.</p><p>Luz had walked and walked and walked. And she would keep doing that until her legs gave out. She had nowhere to go anymore but she knew that if she stopped walking she would die. She would get devoured. Either by her own thoughts or by the ever so dangerous environment around her. So she kept on walking.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abraham Ford/Sasha Williams, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene, Maggie Greene/Glenn Rhee, Rick Grimes/Original Female Character(s), Tara Chambler/Rosita Espinosa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. keep going</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't living. She knew that but still she kept going. She walked over the empty Georgia streets with tired feet. During the days she scavenged empty old houses and took what she could find from the stores that she passed. She did not keep track of the time so she didn't know how long it had been now. How long it had been since she lost her group. She didn't like to think to hard about it because she knew that feelings would devour her if she did. So she kept the memory of her group and the people she had lost neatly tucked away in the very back of her brain. Sometimes she even seemed to loose herself so much that she could barely remember her own name. And that scared her more then anything. More than the treacherous environment around her and the constant threat to her life. No she didn't mind the Walkers or killing them for that part, she had done much worse. But the scary thing was that she was loosing herself. Her sense of identity. So she held on for her life. She held on to her name and kept on walking. She was Luz Salazar and she was never going to give up without a fight.</p><p>During the nights Luz managed to climb her way up to whatever tree she could find. There she tied herself up with some old cords that she had picked up back before everything had happened. It wasn't very comfortable but up there she could at least manage to get some hours of sleep. And that is what she did tonight as well. After she finished up her last piece of food which was half a can of old beans. After she was finished she cursed herself for eating so fast because her stomach was already reacting badly. She leaned back to the sturdy tree trunk, feeling the bark through her thin shirt. She took a few deep breaths calming herself. Instead of focusing on her nausea she looked out over the dark sky. The stars felt strangely comforting to look at at this time. She wondered if he was looking up at the same sky. If he was thinking of her. But she quickly took the thought out of her head, a skill that she had acquired these past few weeks. When the nausea passed Luz closed her eyes, trying her best not to think of the growls beneath her. Sleep came to her fast.</p><p>When she opened her eyes the next morning the air felt sticky around her. The clear sky from last night had disappeared and instead she saw nothing but grey fog and a sky filled with the same grey clouds. But Luz still continued her daily routine By untying herself from the tree, her whole body feeling stiff and soar from sitting up. She tied the cords around her waist and carefully climbed down the tree. Two walkers stood at the bottom, their hands in the air searching fro her. She carefully sat down on the lowest tree branch and pulled out her knife from her holster hanging from her belt. There had been a gun hanging there but now she just had to make due. So she called the walkers to her, leaning down so she could push her knife through the eye on one of them leaving it finally laying still on the ground. But as she was going to take the other one as well she leaned far to much leading to her falling down the tree and the walker somehow ending up on top of her, desperately trying to scratch her face. Her knife was too far away for her to be able to reach so she mustered all her strength, placed her two thumbs in the eye sockets of the walker. She pushed and pushed until finally the walkers head gave in and old blood pretty much drenched her. Disgusted she rolled away from under the walker and stood up. Her already dirty clothes were now covered in the blood of the walker. Luz took her knife again and placed it in the holster. Then she kept walking. She left her bag behind since the only thing in it were a few empty cans and a water bottle that had been empty for at least a day. When the adrenaline from the walker worn of she felt a sharp sting in her left foot. Looking down at it Luz could see that it was bruised badly and was starting to turn swollen She must have sprained it falling down from the tree. But she had nothing that she could use to support it so without really thinking to much of it she continued to limp forward. Every step she took she felt a sting of pain that went up all the way to her hip. But she kept walking. Because that was all she knew to do these days.</p><p>The pain that came from walking made Luz go in to haze. She felt as if she was maybe one of them. One of the walking dead. The feeling became stronger when the walkers started appearing beside her without taking notice at her. At her state the thought that maybe they didn't notice her because the stench of walker blood on her disguised her. No instead she felt a bit of a relief, that maybe her suffering was over. Maybe she could just continue walking and be one of them now. That was her thoughts right until her legs became wobbly and she fell, making it go dark.</p><p>When she finally opened her eyes again all she could feel was a pounding headache. She felt a slight disappointment that she was not actually dead, instead just very very exhausted and banged up. She got herself to sit up on the asphalt and instantly flinched when she saw a man standing in front of her. His back was turned to her but Luz instantly started to drag herself further and further down the road. The man looked very well put together, wearing a blue raincoat, and a pair of black well suited pants. He seemed to have heard her because he turned around with a strange look on his face. He was smiling. and with a smile he said <br/>"Good evening! I am Aaron!".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The dark night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Luz experiences a weird new journey with an unexpected end.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good evening! I am Aaron"</p><p>Luz instinctively tensed up as she tried to drag herself further back from the man. He had a smile on his face that almost looked genuine, but anyone who was smiling these days couldn't be normal. So she said nothing, just carefully observing what he did. The man, or Aaron if that really was his name raised his hands to show that he wasn't armed. She looked for ways she could defend herself or take him on. If he came close enough she could probably get a good stab at his eye or maybe chest.</p><p>"I understand that this is weird, but i am not going to hurt you or anything. What i am going to do is give you my backpack"</p><p>Carefully he took of his clean backpack and threw it so it landed right at Luz feet. He gestured for her to open it and so Luz carefully opened up the backpack to find a can of apple sauce, a bunch of what looked like pictures, a full water bottle. Luz looked up at him with suspicion. </p><p>"Why would I eat this?" Her voice was hoarse, she hadn't talked in weeks and hadn't gotten any liquid in at least two days. She was alive right now because of pure will. Aaron still had a bit of a smile on his face and Luz couldn't help but think that he looked incredibly stupid.</p><p>"I think that you don´t have much of choice. It has been at least a two days since your last drink of water so if you do not want to pass out again i suggest you eat some or at least take a sip of water"</p><p>Luz flinched. Were there others? why would just he give her this? the questions were all spinning in her head who was still very much pounding. She ignored the pain who was becoming more and more present by the second. Instead a voice in her told her "If you drink that water you are stupid. There isn't a person in the world right now who would give away water like this." That was her old instincts talking. But she also knew that if she didn't drink the water she wouldn't last much longer.</p><p>"Have you been following me? why do you know this?"</p><p>Aaron's expression finally changed and he looked a bit more cautious. </p><p>"I have a camp just about a few hours walk from here. It is my job to find people like you that might be want to come back with me."</p><p>Luz still could not determine if he was lying or not. He clearly was lying about something at least because he avoided her question about if he had been following her. But the pounding in her head and her aching body was becoming to much. So she opened the water bottle and took a small sip. It felt like heaven in her mouth and throat. The water was not even cold but still it gave Luz the energy to think clearly and feel her body. She was banged up but if it came to it, she could take him down.</p><p>"Why would you want me to comeback with you? you don´t know me"</p><p>She took another sip of the water and Aaron gave her a kind look. The water tasted regular, if there was anything in it she would have sensed it by now. His face looked friendly, too friendly. It felt strange to look at someone that seemed so friendly so instead Luz decided that she did not like him.</p><p>"The way you act. You have such certainty and a calm way to your actions. I saw you take down those two walkers, injuring your foot and then just continuing to walk. Our community does not have many fighters and i think you would be a great addition"</p><p>Luz snorted and put the cork back on the water bottle. It must have been her lack of energy that had led to him believing she had a calm way. She didn't either believe a word he said. But it was worth looking in too. If she stayed out here with her injuries she would die soon. So much she knew. </p><p>"Alright, Take me to your camp. But i am not going to eat the apple sauce. That shit is disgusting"</p><p>Aaron grinned at her. </p><p>"I agree completely".</p><p>Luz put the water bottle back in the bag and started to get up on her feet. But as soon as she stood up the dizziness hit her bad and she started wiggling. She was much weaker then she thought, If it was not for Aaron acting fast by going up to her side and supporting her she would have fell down. When he was standing next to her she noticed even more how tall he was and behind the jacket he actually looked to be in good shape. She was at a clear disadvantage if he was not the guy he seemed to be. Maybe she had to trust him.</p><p>"We have a bit to walk so if this is going to work you have to hold on to me as well, I promise that I am not going to hurt you"</p><p>Reluctantly she threw an arm around his waist and leaned a bit on him. Aaron held on to her waist and picked up the backpack from the ground. Then they started walking. Luz limped forward as well as she could while leaning on him. And so they walked, in silence for the exception of Aaron telling her how close they were. The night was dark around them. It was still very much cloudy so there was no stars or moon outside, except for a faint glow behind a cloud. That made the dark feel even more present and dangerous. Walking during the night was never good but Aaron seemed sure of his thing, if there was any danger she would push him at it first. For Luz it felt like hour after hour after hour went by but in reality they couldn't have walked more then maybe two hours until they came to see big metal walls and a gate. Aaron looked down at her and gave her a friendly smile. </p><p>"Here we are, Welcome to Alexandria!. Hey Nicholas open up the gate!!!"</p><p>He yelled out the last part and just as he did that the gate started rustling and opening up. And to Luz surprise it revealed what looked like the main street of a upper class neighborhood. There was lights shining from the windows of the houses and from far she could here a few voices  that sounded like they were coming closer. Aaron took her out of the shock when he pulled her with him as they stepped through the opening. Luz felt a bit frozen. Everything looked so normal. It was so clean and untouched, the whole neighborhood looked like it hadn't realized what the world looked like on the outside. Aaron was standing and talking to the curly haired man that had opened the gate for them. Nicholas, was his name she remembered. She was way to tired and dizzy to stand on her own so she listened in to the last of their conversation.</p><p>"Yeah Aiden is supposed to relive me in just a few minutes. And i told him to bring out the man. whatever his name was."</p><p>Which man? was it somebody she knew? Despite being so tired Luz got regained some energy from that statement. Her senses seemed perked up instantly and her body was fighting the tiredness with a newfound adrenaline.</p><p>"Aaron we already let in a whole group of them. And now you brought back another one, covered in blood at that"</p><p>Nicholas whispered this like he thought Luz couldn't hear him despite standing right next to Aaron. Luz perked up even more. Group? Could it be? but no, she removed that thought instantly. She was not going to get all hopeful when it probably was nothing. She instantly did not like him either. He looked tense and gave Luz the stink eye between every sentenced he said. Luz had been around people like him many times before and she didn't like them. Aaron himself seemed to have become agitated at what he said, his voice was sour when he replied.</p><p>"Nicholas am i going to have to remind you that you lost two people-"</p><p>He was interrupted by the sound of people coming from another direction. Luz curiously looked towards the sound of voices that became louder and louder. She turned around without letting go of Aaron and was caught by absolute surprise. It was him. The tall dark haired man had stopped in his tracks and seemed just as surprised as Luz. He looked clean, his hair was also newly cut and he was missing the caveman beard that he had before they lost each other. She had loved that beard. That was her last thought before it got dark before her eye's again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>With online school going on, I have a lot of free time to write. So expect a lot of updates! Really excited for this story and its development. Have a good rest of the day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Worrying means you suffer twice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz struggles with a new world and knew people.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luz slept heavily but was plagued by dreams. All from good to bad but they all hurted the same. Memories of family and the feeling of being warm, safe and happy were in her dreams and it hurted. It hurted so bad. But at the same time she was unable to move, it was like she was stuck in a sleep paralyses worse then anything she ever felt before. Everything and everyone in those dreams of her were gone, she was never going to feel the way she had done. A fraction of herself was left of the person she once used to be. </p><p>But then she woke up. Luz was instantly blinded by the light of the room so she closed her eyes again. Her guard instantly came up and she listened and felt her surroundings without opening her eyes. There was a weight on top of her which felt like a blanket or some sort of cover. She felt stronger as well. Her head wasn't hurting and her foot felt like it was supported by something. Someone had taken care of her. There was a faint sound of voices, like they were whispering. She couldn't hear them even if she tried so she was still a little weary of showing that she was awake without knowing who was there. So she continued to keep her eyes closed, hoping that they hadn't noticed that she opened her eyes earlier. As she did that Luz also thought back to what happened before she seemed to have passed out again. She was in a place called Alexandria, it was what looked like a regular residential area. The houses that she had seen last night looked upper class even. The walls she had seen seemed solid, probably solid enough for the people in here to survive for a long time without having to get out and look at the world. That thought made her a little bitter. Even in this world rich people seemed to have an advantage. The man who had stood outside by the gate hadn't seemed too happy to see her. And he had mentioned the group. She had to guess that it was her people. If Rick was there the others must have been as well. </p><p>Rick. There wasn't any words that she could use to describe the feeling she had seeing him again. But, she had to calm herself, she had to be cautious with her feelings. It had been at least a few weeks since they had lost each other so she could not be sure that he still had any fondness left for her. Luz was interrupted in her thought by the sound of a door opening and closing hastily.</p><p>"Hey!! how is she doing? Is he still here?"</p><p>That was Abraham. She would recognize that voice anywhere.</p><p>"Shhhh!! Quiet down will you! Shes still sleeping! Hes sitting right there by her still, he has all night and me and Denise have a bet on going bet on who is going to wake up first!"</p><p>That was Rosita, She sounded just like herself. That had to be Rick sitting next to her as well? She didn't know of anyone else that would care for her like that. But who was Denise?  Luz decided it was better to have her eyes closed for a while longer just to be on the safe side. There was a sound of a chair dragging on the floor and more talking.</p><p>"This is some adorable shit i must say. It almost makes me sick"</p><p>"Oh shut up! He has missed her so much can you really blame him? the poor man has been so lost without her"</p><p>"Hmf, yeah you are right, and her showing up looking like that must have been weird. What was her damage doc?"</p><p>Denise must be who had taken care of her foot. Alexandria's resident doctor. Another voice that started talking.</p><p>"From what i could see, she have a broken foot, at least one major concussion and a serious dehydration. I think shes lucky to have lasted as long as she did at this state."</p><p>A concussion? No wonder she had passed out like that last night. </p><p>"No it wasn't luck, Luz is a though son of a bitch. It would take a lot more then that to take her down."</p><p>"Yeah shes though, I wonder what she did before all of this, it must have been something... hard?"</p><p>"She was military no doubt about it!-"</p><p>Before they could continue their discussion Luz opened her eyes. she turned her head to find three people sitting next each other, just a few meters from her bed. </p><p>"Hey sleepy! we were just talking about you, How are you feeling?"</p><p>Rosita said, looking at her with a genuinely kind look. Luz had muster up a lot strength not to cry at those words. She had missed her so much.</p><p>"I have been better"</p><p>Abraham let out a snort. </p><p>"Yeah you have looked better as well"</p><p>as he said that Rosita punched him hard on the arm. </p><p>"You do not say that"</p><p>The woman sitting next to Rosita was relatively quiet but she looked a little at Luz now and then. She had a kind face, a face fit for a doctor. </p><p>"I am Luz" </p><p>She said introducing herself and interrupting Rosita and Abraham's bickering. The woman smiled at her.</p><p>"Oh i figured! I am Denise, its nice to meet you! your friends have talked a lot about you"</p><p>Luz felt a warmth in her chest. </p><p>"Only bad i hope"</p><p>Denise cringed a bit at the bad joke but she continued to smile so she must have appreciated it. Luz liked her. It had been a long time since she had liked someone of the bat like this. A voice in her head was screaming at her to still keep her guard up but she ignored it. For now. </p><p>"Oh Luz look to your left"</p><p>Said Rosita as she fought of Abraham's playful punches. They seemed to have grown very close lately she noted before turning to her left. There he was. Rick was sitting in a chair who was very close to her bed. And he was sound asleep with a book resting on his chest. He looked so peaceful. That is something she had always envied about him, that every time he slept he looked like he was in heaven. She smiled at the sight of him. His face looked so clean, and his dark hair was shorter then ever. She had always liked his hair long when it was long so it made her a little sad that he had cut it. Maybe that was why he had cut it. </p><p>"Luz!"</p><p>Rosita exclaimed.</p><p>"I forgot to tell you but, Deanna. The woman who that runs this place told us that she wanted to speak to just as fast as she could"</p><p>Luz dragged her eyes away from Rick to Rosita.</p><p>"Why woud she want that?"</p><p>"Oh she just do these interviews with all the people that come here. To see if they are eligible to stay here"</p><p>So she was going to have to lie then. Luz nodded at Rosita and sat up in her bed. Her back ached as she sat up but she ignored it best she could. As she was taking of her blanket she looked down at her body, she was wearing afresh set of close. A blue knitted sweater and a pair of black jeans. Definitely not the clothes she was wearing before. She looked at Rosita with a questioning look.</p><p>"I changed you, couldn't let you sleep in those blood drenched clothes"</p><p>Luz gave her a weak smile as she stood up on the wooden floor. She instantly leaned on her left foot when she felt a sting of pain going through the other one. She cursed herself slightly for forgetting her injuries so easily. As she stood up so did Rosita. </p><p>"Are you sure you want to go right now? If I were you I would take a few hours to relax, maybe wait for Rick to wake up?"</p><p>Luz shook her head as she placed her hand on the bed next her for some support. Her body was yearning to just lay down in the bed and sleep again but she needed to find out more about this place.</p><p>"No, I wanna do it now"</p><p>Rosita looked at her trying to hide her worried look. </p><p>"Alright, alright. Abraham come with us"</p><p>The man nodded and stood up as well. He went to the corner of the room and picked up something Luz couldn't see at first. But as he turned around she could see it clearly. A pair of crutches. Luz sighed but accepted them. She didn't like feeling weak. And she didn't that her looking like this was going to be these peoples first impression of her.</p><p>"Alright Denise, just point Rick in Deanna's way when he wakes up. Oh and I promise to get you that soda tomorrow."</p><p>Rosita shouted this as the left the house. Abraham and Rosita were having a loud discussion as they walked down the street but Luz couldn't help but stare in awe at the people and houses of Alexandria. There were children just running around carelessly with clumps of people just standing and talking. The day was bright despite the grey sky and the people of Alexandria didn't seem bothered by anything. No they all had bright smiles on their faces and were engaged in conversations about trivial things such as pasta maker from what Luz could hear. As Luz hopped along beside Rosita and Abraham she noticed a few stares and glances here and there. She seemed to be important news around here. Being the center of attention was not something she liked. it made her feel isolated. Not Paying attention to the people beside her she almost hopped in to Abraham as they stopped. </p><p>"Her house is right there, Shes expecting you"</p><p>Rosita pointed towards the large, withe house in front of them. It looked intimidating to Luz, like it was leaning over them. But she nodded a thank you to Rosita and hopped forward to the black door. As she knocked on the door she heard a fain voice coming from inside the house </p><p>"Come on in!!"</p><p>How was anyone trusting enough to just leave their door open was beyond Luz but she opened it hopped right in. The inside of the house felt just as intimidating as the outside. it was furnished with black and white colors and it looked like someone had put a lot of effort in to making it look pretty. </p><p>"I am in the living room!!"</p><p>the voice was more present now so she just hopped away to where she thought it was coming from. As she hopped down on her leg she came to what looked like a living room and right there on the couch was a woman who turned when she saw her. She smiled at her.</p><p>"Luz I assume? Come sit down please!"</p><p>she gestured towards the armchair that was right in front of the sofa she was sitting on herself. The woman looked old, but she didn't have grey hair so maybe she was in her 60s? something like that. Luz sat down on the edge of the armchair. Careful not lean to much on it. She felt the need to have her guard up amongst these people still.</p><p>"Let me introduce myself, I am Deanna Monroe. The founder of Alexandria!"</p><p>"My name is Luz"</p><p>She replied shortly. </p><p>"What did you do before all of this Luz?"</p><p>Deanna seemed unbothered by her short answer.</p><p>"I was a nurse"</p><p>Luz lied but Deanna didn't seem to notice as she lit up. </p><p>"Wonderful! Then you could help Denise?"</p><p>Luz just nodded. </p><p>"Alright Luz i am going to keep it short with you. All of your friends have vouched for you and i trust them. I wanna invite you to a little party that we are having tomorrow! Me and my family would be absolutely delighted to have you! Maybe we could talk some more there?"</p><p>A party? That sounded like Luz worst nightmare right now. But she nodded still. </p><p>"Nice meeting you!"</p><p>Luz said as she picked up her crutches again. Deanna nodded and smiled. </p><p>"Yes! Hope to see you tomorrow"</p><p>Luz hopped out of the house as fast as she could but when she opened the door she crashed right in to hard chest. She stopped right in her tracks and looked up a bit to see a smiling Rick right infront of her. </p><p>"Hi"</p><p>"Hi"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! hope you enjoyed today's chapter, I am right now trying to develop Luz as a character and i think its interesting to see what journey she is going to take. Also i really like writing Luz inner dialogue. She is the type of person to really get the picture of what is going on, where she is and what her next action is going to be before she can think of anything else. She is a very rational girl who is not shocked easily.<br/>The part were Luz thinks that "every time he sleeps he looks like hes in heaven" is from my favorite J.cole song called shes mine pt.1!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. For tonight, but not longer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz reunites with her people.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a few seconds they just stood there breathing and not even looking at each other. This was a reunion she had long longed for but when it actually came she didn't know how to act. Should she hug him or what should she do. Rick pulled her out of her thoughts by pulling her in too a big hug. He wrapped his arms around her back and hugged her just like he used to do. It took her a few seconds to respond to the hug but eventually she hugged him back eagerly. Wrapping her arms around his neck their bodies were pressed against each other. This was the only thing in the world she cared about right now. Not the pain in her foot or the fact that she had to go to a party tomorrow. The only thing she focused on was the comfort of his arms around her and his familiar smell in her nose. He was here and he was real. After just standing there for at least a minute Luz slowly tried to get out of the hug but when she did Rick just tightened it. </p><p>"Not yet"</p><p>Luz said nothing and instead just put her hand up to stroke his hair. The feelings between them were undefined. They had hugged many times and had been close to each other like this a few times before but still their feelings had always remained unspoken. And that suited Luz in some ways, there was no pressure on their relationship or whatever you could call what was between them. After a few minutes Luz yet again let her arms go and instead looked up at Rick. He had a triumphing facial expression and when he looked down at her it looked as he had won a prize. Luz could barely keep eye contact with his blue eyes as his stare felt so intense. </p><p>"We are still standing right outside Deanna's door Rick."</p><p>He grinned at her. </p><p>"Yeah lets move"</p><p>Luz picked up her crouches that she had managed to drop without noticing and hopped after rick as they walked out back on the street again. The day was still bright and almost cold the type of cold that made the air feel dry, something that Luz had not really managed to get used to after living in close to desert climate her whole life. But it was nice. A good change from the otherwise sticky Georgia air. Without saying anything they just walked a few meters side by side. </p><p>"So you wanna tell me whats going on here? Nobody has really done that yet"</p><p>Luz looked expectantly at Rick who got a bit of a distant look in his eyes.</p><p>"Yeah, the people here they. They survived so long because of the walls. They went up right at the start and because of that they haven't really had to go outside much. The woman you just spoke to, she used to be a senate. So she is hellbent on creating a community of some sort here with police, government and a builders crew."</p><p>Luz let out a weird laugh and Rick looked at her. </p><p>"Oh don't look at me like that Grimes. You cant tell me that you are on board??</p><p>"I am, Even got handed a job" </p><p>Luz stopped instantly and put her hand on Ricks arm.</p><p>"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you believe in what seems to be happening here"</p><p>"I don't but I have to try. Take my arm, you look like you cant walk with those things anyways."</p><p>And like that the conversation seemed to be over. At least for now. And he was right, she took about one step a minute with the crutches so instead she took a hold of his outstretched arm and leaned on him. He was had strength to support her so they started walking again. Luz could guess that they looked like an old couple walking down the street like this but she enjoyed it. She enjoyed having him by her side like this. </p><p>"Were are we even going?"</p><p>She asked him a bit stubbornly. </p><p>"Home."</p><p>He was unbothered by the tone of her voice. </p><p>"What does home mean? Have you all been given out houses or something??"</p><p>"Yes"</p><p>"Oh lord"</p><p>Luz couldn't handle this. They were all playing make believe with this shit. Like everything on the outside of these walls were just, were just not there. Like life was normal. But she kept her mouth quiet and kept walking. Rick was just as stubborn as she was so he wasn't going to let her know if he realized he did something wrong. So they kept walking silent, arm in arm. Right until they stopped in front of a grey house with a porch. It was a nice house. Not a houses that she could ever consider a home but a nice house. </p><p>"Alright, are you ready to meet everyone again?"</p><p>Luz turned to him.</p><p>"Huh? Everybody are here? Everyone's alive?"</p><p>"Yes! what did you think huh?"</p><p>Luz shrugged.</p><p>"I just assumed.. How am I going to get up those stairs?"</p><p>She was careful not to say to much about her thoughts and pointed towards the stairs leading up to the front door. Rick sighed. </p><p>"Alright hop up on my back."</p><p>Luz snorted. </p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yes! Now do it before I let you crawl up those stairs."</p><p>She did her best to hop up on his back and when she did he hoisted her up to a good position, at the same time taking a good grip on her thighs. Rick left crutches leaning towards the house as he walked up to the door. </p><p>The rest of the evening was, weird. Seeing everyone that Luz had since long counted of as dead was a strange experience to say the least. Most of them were the same people that she had met back at terminus but the one who stuck out to her was Carol, the though woman was clearly acting way softer then she was. It made Luz cautious. If Carol acted that way, maybe there was a reason for it. After spending time with these people she could as well see that Rosita and Abraham were not at all as close as she thought. No, Abraham had been eyeing Sasha the whole night while Rosita seemed to be giving Tara glances here and there. Beth and Daryl were also surprise to her, they were clearly affectionate to each other which was something Luz had never expect from The older man. A lot seemed to have changed while she was gone, and Luz would be lying if she didn't admit that she was clearly the odd man out. She was never really present during the evening, despite trying she was never really there mentally when she talked to the people here. She almost felt a bit relived when they all eventually left for the night and Rick showed her a room in the house were she could sleep.</p><p>Luz walked though the hall after spending a way to long time in the bathroom, mostly brushing her teeth. Coming to the door at the end she knocked carefully. </p><p>"Come on in"</p><p>Rick yelled to her. She opened the door only to find him laying in his bed with an half exposed chest. Despite being a full grown woman at the age of 27 the sight of him still managed to make her blush. That was nothing like her at all. She leaned a bit towards the door frame. </p><p>"I am gonna go to bed now i think."</p><p>"Yeah you do that"</p><p>He had clearly taken notice to her current state.</p><p>"Do not get to cocky Mr Grimes"</p><p>She left the room and closed the door behind her before she could get an answer. She walked as best as she could on her one foot back to her own room and throwing herself on the bed. Only to realize that it felt way to soft so she sat back up again. When she sat up she saw herself clearly on the mirror that was hanging on the opposite wall. She did not look her best to say it lightly. She had giant bags under her eyes that were matching well to the grey undertone in her skin. That was something she was not used too, growing up in the sun always made the red and golden tones in her caramel skin come out. But being in Georgia had made her pale and almost a bit grey. Her brown eyes had a tiredness to them as well, a tiredness had grown more during the past weeks. This she had known without having to look in the mirror. The muscles and her lean body that had came after years and years of work also seemed to start to deteriorate after weeks of barely eating anything so she considerably skinnier then she used to be. As quickly that she had looked at the mirror she also looked away. She could not sleep in this bed. It felt wrong. So she took the blanket and instead went to lay on the floor right next to the bed. The hard wood felt better and more normal to her back. Like right at home. </p><p>Despite her exhaustion she fell in to a light and worried sleep. A sleep that was yet again filled with dreams. But now it revolved about the people she once knew and the things she had once done. It was on replay in her head while she slept and no matter how much she ran or walked she couldn't escape it. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was short but sweet to write. Next chapter is the party which i think is going to be fun to write! hope you enjoyed the chapter today! Also what do you think Luz did before the apocalypse?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. No matter how much the wind howls the mountain can not bow to it.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz goes to a party</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luz woke up feeling like shit. Her head was pounding like a circus drum, the aftermath of her concussion she imagined. The rest of her body was sore and aching, she felt about the same that she used to feel after an extensive work out session. It wasn't a feeling that she had missed. But she had put herself in that position, by being to stubborn to sleep in the very well functioning bed right next to her. But she didn't like the feeling of sleeping in a bed soft like that, if felt like she was going to get engulfed by the bed, like if she laid down in the bed she wouldn't be able to get up. She much rather slept on the hard floorboards. </p><p>Luz laid still on the floor, her eyes darting over the ceiling while thoughts were flying like bullets in her head. She had always thought that strangely enough, she was more meant for this world then others. But things seemed to be getting to her more then she realized. Her tio would be disappointed in her. The memories of her youth were always so vivid and full of color. Probably because they always came to her when she was feeling weak or bent out of shape. She remembered it like it was yesterday. The soles of her young feet being burned by the hot sand. Beads forming on her forehead while she didn't move, not one inch did she ever move despite standing still hour after hour in the blistering desert sun. The sun that had made her skin blister and made her dizzy of dehydration too many times for her own good. But it had hardened her, made her tougher then most. Luz could still hear his voice ringing in her head like he was in this room with her. </p><p>"No matter how much the wind howls, the mountain can not bow to it. No now and not ever. Remember that Luz"</p><p>Luz gulped and a clump was forming in her throat when she thought of it. So she stopped. Instead she moved from her position on the floor, her back giving of a crackling in the process. She looked out on yet again another grey day. It was only the start of the day but there was no sun coming up, no the only thing you could see was grey clouds laying like a heavy duvet cover over the world. Luz missed the feeling of the sun touching on her skin, the grayness felt mind numbing. Luz backed away from the window and instead sneaked out of her room as good as she could. Her still injured foot hindered her from being smooth in her movements, instead she went as slow as she could trying not to wake anyone up with her footsteps. She made her way down the hallway and then carefully down the stairs. She then went to the kitchen to open the fridge, only to close it again. Despite her stomach rumbling like a thunderstorm, she felt no urge to eat. Instead she made her way out to the porch right outside. There wasn't a sound outside, so she took the liberty to sit down on one of the armchairs that were placed there. She put both of her legs up so her knees were up to her chin. And there she sat, for however long just observing the empty and quiet streets of Alexandria. The area felt sleepy, like the whole town and its houses were all resting. So Luz rested her head on her knees and just sat there for a while. </p><p>After maybe an hour or two a familiar face stuck his head out from the door frame. Carl peaked out at her. </p><p>"Good morning Luz! What are you doing out here?"</p><p>Said Carl. </p><p>"I am just you know, thinking."</p><p>Carl went and sat down on the armchair right next to her. Luz looked at him only to notice and that his eyes were shinning like glass, it looked like he was about to cry almost. She was surprised to see the ever so hard boiled teenage boy to get emotional.</p><p>"What do you think of this place?"</p><p>She said breaking the silence between them, trying to spare him the awkwardness of crying in front of her.  </p><p>"Its alright i think, the people living here are weak though. I think it would be good for Judith to stay here as well."</p><p>Carl said, with a sniff.</p><p>"Not you then? Judith wouldn't manage without you Carl"</p><p>A small smile spread on the boys face, almost reaching his light blue eyes.</p><p>"I guess, I think you should stay as well Luz. My dad would be really happy if you did!"</p><p>"That is very sweet of you to say, would you be happy as well if I stay here?"</p><p>Carl nodded instinctively. His face was hard to read.</p><p>"Yes oblivious. I think everybody wants you to stay."</p><p>Luz, unable to handle the emotions the boy had inflicted on her by his words, stood up.  </p><p>"Alright Carl. I think that it is time for you to show me how to make breakfast in this kitchen."</p><p>The rest of the day went by far to quickly for Luz liking. She made breakfast with Carl, so it was ready just in time for his father and Judith to come down and eat with them. The rest of the day they just relaxed together. Luz and Rick spent a lot of time playing with Judith and just doing not much at all. Luz had never in her life wanted to have children, but if every baby was the same as Judith she might even consider it. The girl was just a bundle of joy,  when she was in a room she lit it up like no one else and the way she would grab Luz cheeks always made her heart soften. But right as she was in a happy, baby induced state they were interrupted by Rosita coming over. Not that Luz wasn't happy to see her, no Rosita was and is still probably her best friend. But it was the message that she came with. </p><p>"I think it would do you good to look a little pretty"</p><p>Luz groaned as she threw herself down on her bed, next to a big pile of dresses that Rosita had brought. </p><p>"I do not think that i can look pretty anymore."</p><p>"Nonsense, you are one of the prettiest people i have ever met. I mean have you seen yourself?"</p><p>Said Rosita as she put two dresses on Luz stomach.</p><p>"Try these on and tell me you are not pretty again I dare you!!"</p><p>Luz sighed but got up. She didn't feel the need to cover up in front of her friend so she put on the first dress right in front of her. It was a deep red body con dress, it hugged her figure way to tight for her liking, she felt like a stuffed sausage. She looked up at Rosita, trying to fit in as much pain as she could in her eyes.</p><p>"Oh do not try that with me miss! Go look at yourself in the mirror and then decide if you like it. Luz sighed but turned to the mirror. She looked pretty. Seeing herself looking like this after such a long time hurted. The deep red dress complimented her light brown skin, so that she didn't look just as pale as before. Her brown eyes seemed stand out as well and she didn't look as tired at all as she did before. Luz lifted up her long but tangled black curls, exposing her neck and chest more. Rosita noticed and handed her a hair tie. Luz then tied her hair in a bun on top of her hair, something that she hadn't done in a long time. She looked, stunned at Rosita who had sat down on her bed with a smug smile on her face. </p><p>"I hate you"</p><p>Luz said, and sat down next to her.</p><p>"I know, I know."</p><p>She threw an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her a bit to Luz surprise, Rosita had never been the one for physical affection and neither was Luz herself. </p><p>"I know its hard for you to adjust, it was for me as well. But just know that I am really glad you are here"</p><p>Luz met her Rositas look and smiled at her friend. You could hear from her stained voice that she was really genuine.</p><p>"I am glad that i have you"</p><p>Luz voice was starting to sound just as strained, so she coughed and got up from the bed. </p><p>"Lets get going."</p><p>She, Rosita, Rick, Carl and Judith then headed over to Deanna's house. Luz felt every nerve in her body tensing up the closer they got to the house, it felt as if her spine had been changed to a stick instead and she was sweating heavily. The evening had come and rolled over Alexandria so there was a darkness out. That felt oddly comforting to Luz and she felt herself just focusing on the sky and the night around them as they walked, Instead of the dreading feeling in her stomach. As they entered the house she seemed to have lost Rick and his kids to the crowd of people in there. Instead she was left standing right next to Rosita as she was talking to a tall, brown haired guy. </p><p>"Yeah, i heard that. Hey! would you girls like a drink? I feel rude not offering before."</p><p>Luz flinched at his use of words. She was no girl.</p><p>"Yes! Get something good for Luz here."</p><p>Rosita looked encouraging at her, wanting her to accept the drink from the guy who had come back with what looked like two glasses of whiskey. So she reluctantly took the drink from him. It was good, a nice whiskey who felt smooth in her mouth. It had been a very, very long time since she had been drunk or had some sort of alcohol the last time so this was a welcome feeling. Luz then continued to stand next to Rosita as she moved from person to person during this party, the drink in Luz hand also seemed to be replaced one after one. After a while they bumped in to Deanna and her husband. Her husband reminded Luz a lot of an owl, he round brown eyes and a wise look to him that just gave Luz the feeling that he had been an owl in a previous life. Deanna on the other hand could have been a squirrel, she was eager and was way to talkative for Luz liking. </p><p>"So Luz i have to know, are you enjoying the party"</p><p>As Deanna spoke, Rosita seemed to have moved a long so she had left Luz all by herself. </p><p>"Yes! Very much so! It feels very rich"</p><p>She wasn't sober enough to talk to these people. </p><p>"Rich? what do you mean?"</p><p>asked Deanna's husband with a curious voice.</p><p>"The vibe i get from this place is that the people here think that they are still rich."</p><p>Well a drunk mind speaks a sober heart. Deanna and her husband both looked a bit stunned and the sober part of Luz brain screamed at her to get out of there as soon as she could.</p><p>"If you excuse me"</p><p>Before they could say anything, Luz dipped out and instead headed out to the porch outside of Deanna's house. She sat down with a sigh, without even noticing the man already sitting on the steps leading up to the porch. But the man turned around to see her sitting on yet another arm chair. It was Rick. He looked slightly emotional, like he had been drinking some as well. </p><p>"Not enjoying the party Luz?"</p><p>He asked, at the same time eyeing her dress. Luz shook her head. </p><p>"No, i just said some stupid shit"</p><p>Rick let out a laugh and patted on the place next to him. </p><p>"Come and sit."</p><p>Luz obeyed and went to sit right next to him. There was silence between them for a while. Something unspoken was in the air. After a while Rick broke the silence. </p><p>"You look good tonight."</p><p>Only said by him, could these words make her blush.</p><p>"Thank you, so do you"</p><p>He let out a small laugh, like he disagreed with her sentiment and looked at her. His eyes were emotional, they looked to have just as much turmoil as the ocean. Unexpectedly he touched her cheek with his calloused hand. Luz shivered at his touch but didn't pull back at all. Instead their faces moved closer and closer to each other. And then, very lightly and very softly, his lips met hers in a feather light kiss. And something within Luz broke, It was like the kiss had broken something inside of her that she didn't know could be broken. Slowly she opened her eyes only to see the man looking at her. She knew what was going to happen. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was a banger of a chapter i must say! I am tired as hell right now but i still feel like this was some of my better writing? um, child anyways so i think the plot is going to really start rolling after this. We are going to get some more of Luz inner dialogue and see her forming relationships that i am exited to write!<br/>Hope you enjoyed! Also i am right now publishing this unedited because i am way to tired to edit lmfao, so there might very well be some spelling and grammar issues but just ignore them!<br/>Also did you peep that Mulan reference?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Survival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz discovers something about herself she never knew.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a daze, they had made their way back to Ricks house. And as soon as Luz and rick had entered the house and closed the door behind them, they were all over each other. Luz could feel his touch all over her, it was eager and fast. As if he couldn't wait for long. And she wanted him to touch her, it had been a very long time since she had wanted anyone to touch her like this but it felt right. and the fact that it all happened so fast was better, because that didn't leave her a chance to think about it. As they stumbled up the stairs, Rick almost lifting her up Luz whispered against his lips. </p><p>"Judith and Carl?"</p><p>"I told him that to sleep over at Carols place."</p><p>Luz pushed Rick back a bit. Surprised over his statement.</p><p>"Rick Grimes did you plan this?"</p><p>"Luz, i might have a little"</p><p>Luz couldn't react or say anything before Rick took her in his arms again and threw her on his bed. He leaned down so their faces were only a few inches apart from each other. Luz couldn't help to stare at his face, every detail was so beautiful to her. She raised her hand to let her fingers touch his lips and then let them trail down his chin. Rick looked at her like he thought she was doing something magical. Breaking the suspension, Luz then pulled him down for a kiss. A kiss that felt like eternity in just a minute. Every second that she spent, tangled up in his arms and being so close to him felt like something that she had been meant to do her whole life. And that if she was forced to nothing but this her whole life, she would be absolutely okay with that. </p><p>Luz had no idea how much time had gone by after a while. When she was with him it felt like an eternity could pass by without her noticing it. She was half asleep, her head resting on Ricks chest and his arms around her. The only thing separating them was a sheet. She didn't feel completely ready to fall asleep just yet. She wanted to soak in the moment for just a while longer. But as she now had sobered up there was a voice in the back of her head that was screaming at her to be wary, to not fall asleep. A voice that was slowly pulling her away from the warmth of Ricks arms. Her thoughts were quite suddenly interrupted by Rick.</p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>He mumbled, sounding a bit groggy. </p><p>"Yeah, all good"</p><p>"You being so quiet feels so weird, lets talk about something?"</p><p>Luz let out an amused sound. </p><p>"You think i am a talkative person?"</p><p>"Whenever we are just the two of us you are at least"</p><p>Luz couldn't see Ricks face but she could feel his hand starting to stroke her head.</p><p>"I only talk around the people i trust, I learned that young"</p><p>Luz could feel a sting of nervousness go through her body. She shouldn't have said that.</p><p>"Oh yeah? You never really talk about what you did before all of this"</p><p>Luz was quiet for a moment, contemplating on what to say. </p><p>"Its not something i think is worth talking about. What is done is done."</p><p>Rick tilted her head up so they could look at each other. </p><p>"I am not going to force you to say anything."</p><p>He kissed her lightly, like was afraid of pushing her to hard. Then Luz fell back to her comfortable position on his chest. He was too understanding of her, many times it bothered her how he could overlook her flaws just like this. Right now, right now it felt okay though. After just a short while, she had managed to fall asleep still in the arms of Rick.</p><p>Luz woke up sweating and disorientated. Breathing heavily, she bounced up in to sitting position like a a feather spring. She needed to go, get away fast. Disregarding the man sleeping next to her, she pulled of a sheet from the bed to wrap around her body, as fast and smooth she then opened the door and sneaked out of the room. Halfway down the hallway she started limping, a side effect to her leaning way to much on her foot. But, right now it barely bothered her. The only thing in her head was that she had to get out of the house. So she went in to her room and pulled on the first clothes she could find, a pair of jeans and a grey sweater. She then tip toed down the stairs, putting on a pair of boots and then out of the house. </p><p>Air. Sweet air was filling her lungs. Luz closed her eyes and put her hands on her knees, having a hard time trying to catch her breath. In and out. Two simple moves. That was all she needed to do. In and out. In and out. She slowly opened up her eyes to take in the day. The sun had barely come up, and if you cheesed your eyes you could see a faint moon. There was only a few white clouds on the sky. There wasn't a person out on the streets, so Luz took this as the perfect opportunity to go on a walk. Now she was feeling her foot even more, so she limped down the street. Looking around, the houses gave her an eerie feeling. She didn't belong amongst  these houses. What she had said last night had only proved that further. And if she were to leave-</p><p>"HEY!!"</p><p>A voice shouted at her. Luz shielded her eyes, trying to find were it came from.</p><p>"OVER HERE!!!"</p><p>She turned towards the direction of the building that she somewhat recognized. Sitting at the stairs of it was Denise, and she was waiving profoundly at Luz. The woman seemed nice but Luz didn't really have the energy to deal with nice people right now. </p><p>"COME OVER!!"</p><p>Looks like she didn't have much of a choice then. So she limped over to Denise. As Luz came closer, she could see that the building was the same one that she had woken up in when she first arrived here. The woman was smiling at here as she limped closer and closer. She had this soft look to her, like her face had done nothing else but smile. </p><p>"Hi Denise"</p><p>Said Luz.</p><p>"HI!! Boy am i glad to see you!"</p><p>Luz knitted her brows. </p><p>"Really? Any particular reason?"</p><p>"Well yeah! Deanna told me that you used to work as a nurse? I am a very much inexperienced doctor so i am extremely happy to have someone here that has some experience in the field!"</p><p>Luz tensed up. She had forgotten all about that. But she put on a smile for Denise. </p><p>"Yeah, that is right! I guess that means that we are work buddies now?"</p><p>Luz did her best trying to sound cheerful Denise seemed to appreciate it because she looked even happier now.</p><p>"Yes, absolutely. Come on, Let me show you around"</p><p>She got up, pulled up a pair of keys and then unlocked the front door. At least somebody here was locking the doors. They stepped in to a white room, Luz remembered it much clearer now that she was here. But it was a nice room. Nicer then most of the others here, she liked it actually. </p><p>"Alright, this is pretty much it. There is medicine cabinets over there, I haven't figured out what all of them are good for yet, something that i was actually hoping you could help me with!"</p><p>Denise gestured a lot with her body as she spoke, she pointed a lot to different parts in the room. Luz knew pills, so that at least she could help with.</p><p>"Oh and how is your foot? A nasty break like that usually heal very slow but you seem to be standing on it?"</p><p>As soon as Denise said the words, Luz foot started hurting like crazy. She instinctively started leaning on the other foot. </p><p>"I might have overdone it actually, it hurts like hell"</p><p>"Come here then! I am going to try casting it with something"</p><p>Denise pointed at one of the hospital beds and started going through bins of medical equipment. Luz obeyed the woman and sat down.</p><p>"Alright i think this will have to do, I am  just going to have to wrap it tight enough"</p><p>Denise had pulled out some bandage and sat down on her knees in front of Luz. She watched for a few moments as the woman struggled finding her way, but after a while bent down and helped her out. This was also something that she had done a few times before. </p><p>"First, you have to arrange the previous bandage so its even on the foot. After that you have to put the new one on in a way that doesn't cut of the blood in foot but can still support it enough for the bones not to move"</p><p>With light fingers, she worked the bandage until her foot felt okay while Denise watched her in awe. </p><p>"Just like that!"</p><p>"Oh boy am i happy to have you here"</p><p>Denise stood up again.</p><p>"I bet you know even more then me, You are a doctor after all"</p><p>Denise smiled at her.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah. I have a feeling we are going to be a great team."</p><p>Denise was extremely optimistic. Luz didn't hate it actually.</p><p>"Alright, Will you help some of these meds? I feel like it would be a good idea so i cant kill someone by giving them the wrong pain killers or something"</p><p>"Absolutely"</p><p>After that they worked mostly in silence, putting different medicines in different piles and so on. That until they got interrupted by a very out of breath Eugene running in to the house.</p><p>"Tara is hurt!!!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No thoughts, head empty. This was short as hell lmfao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Taking a walk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz deals with her past.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eugene was hard to calm down but that was what Denise did as Luz performed her best triage on Tara. Head trauma was something she had worked with before. It was a very long time, she had been nothing but a child back then so the memories were hazy. But Denise seemed to be more comfortable talking with Eugene and the other people coming in to the room. Luz worked as fast as she could on the woman. She had gotten a quite serious head trauma, but because of the lack of medicine she couldn’t do much except for wrapping her head in bandage to stop the blood from her wound and elevating her shoulders and head. </p><p>“alright, Tara needs to be watched all the time for at least a few days. There is a big risk for seizures right now. We’ll have to see if she needs any blood but if she do I’ll do it, I’m o negative and can give her what she needs.”</p><p>Rosita, Glenn, Denise and Eugene all looked her looking shocked. But what worried her was Glenn’s look. He had this thousand yards stare and had a very distant look in his eyes that Luz had seen on a lot of people in her life. Something very bad had happened for Tara to have ended up like this. </p><p>"Tell me what happened"</p><p>The group looked at each other before Eugene started talking.</p><p>"Nicholas and Aiden weren't fit to lead a mission. Noah and Aiden himself died as a result of that."</p><p>Noah was a good kid. She hadn't seen much of him before she lost the group but he seemed to be kind. He was better off now. Kind people do not often last long in this world. A tense feeling had spread through the group while no one talked. Luz broke the silence. </p><p>"Well. I am gonna go on a walk. Someone needs to stay with Tara until she wakes up.</p><p>"I will!"</p><p>Rosita instantly went and sat down on the chair next to Tara's bed. She patted her head fondly.</p><p>"But please come back soon"</p><p>Luz nodded and then made her way out of the infirmary. The people of Alexandria had woken up now, and you could see them standing around in cliques, talking and looking agitated. As Luz started walking she couldn't help but feel very annoyed, these people really seemed to have no self awareness at all the way they way they just stood here. She stopped in her tracks when she heard the voice of Glenn calling to her. </p><p>"Luz wait up!"</p><p>She turned around to see him jogging towards her. </p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>She asked, the man looked clearly upset and had a wild look to his eyes. Noah's death must have hit him really hard. </p><p>"Luz these people are insane. They clearly have no idea whatsoever on what is actually going on out there!"</p><p>He gestured with his hands as he spoke. </p><p>"They are like children compared to us! And after what i saw today with Noah I.. I do not know if we can live under these peoples commands anymore."</p><p>He needed to be rational. No matter how childish or naive these people acted they couldn't take over this place. Not at the moment at least. </p><p>"Glenn, right now i think you should head home to Maggie. There is nothing we can do right now that would make a difference. Okay?"</p><p>He didn't say anything but Luz still turned around and started walking.</p><p>"I know you weren't a nurse!"</p><p>Luz froze. </p><p>"Why would you say that?"</p><p>she turned around and looked at him again. </p><p>"My father was a vet, he had many vet friends and i can recognize a vet when i see one. You act just like they did."</p><p>"And how would that be?"</p><p>They were standing very close to each other right now and Luz blood was starting to boil.</p><p>"The thousand yard stare, the way you dissociate, your fighting technique. It all checks out doesn't it?"</p><p>Luz survival instincts kicked in right away. </p><p>"If you want to keep your life you do not ever tell that to anyone."</p><p>She turned around and walked away before she could something bad to him. Clenching her fists and digging her nails in to her palms was the only thing keeping her from beating him up right now.</p><p>"I just need you to help me with this Luz! If you do that then i wont tell anyone about this! It doesn't seem like something that needs to be kept as a secret to me but you seem to think so-"</p><p>Luz didn't hear much more then that, she walked of with a fury burning in her instead. Glenn knew nothing. He knew nothing. Those words circulated over and over in her head until she had to stop and stand still. She had to go, she had to leave somewhere, this wasn't safe. She couldn't stay here and die with all of these dumb and foolish people. This day had gone from bad to worse and she could not for the life of her figure out what she was still doing around these people. She would get by much much better if she was alone.</p><p>"Hey Luz!" </p><p>Yet again she was interrupted in the midst of her thoughts, this time by Rick walking up to her. He smiled at her but his eyes were concerned.</p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>He went to touch her arm with his hand but his movement made her flinch.</p><p>"Yeah, just give me a minute."</p><p>She took a few breaths and thought of the best lie that she could.</p><p>"I was just stressed, about Tara. Did you hear what happened?"</p><p>Rick nodded. </p><p>"Yeah, Noah died."</p><p>"And Tara injured her head real bad. Do not know when she is going to wake up actually, it has been a long time since i worked like this."</p><p>Rick raised his hand again but looked at Luz first, as if he was asking for permission to touch her. She nodded at him and he touched her cheek. </p><p>"I am going to talk to Deanna about this Luz, there has to be consequences to this."</p><p>Luz nodded. He made sense, more ten Glenn did when he spoke about it. If they had chance to get some sort of justice for Noah's death, Rick would be the best man to get something done about it </p><p>"Yeah, you going there now? I was thinking of going back to the house and sleep for a while." </p><p>Rick stretched out his arm to her. </p><p>"Deanna can wait a few hours."</p><p>Holding his arm like this had become a bit of a habit by this time.</p><p>"Luz do you.. want to talk about last night?"</p><p>She did not. There was a big part of her that just didn't want anything to change between them. She just wanted to leave it unspoken. At least for now. </p><p>"No."</p><p>Was her short answer. Rick was wise enough not to say anything about it.</p><p>And so they walked back arm in arm to the house. And for every step they took, Luz previous thought of leaving left her mind one after one. When they arrived, Luz had instantly crashed in the couch, sleeping for at least a few hours. When she woke up again, the night had laid over Alexandria and Luz felt the instant need to go and check on her patient. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! It has been way to long since an update but it feels good to have it done. Hope you enjoyed! Next one is going to be big.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. you cannot say pop and forget the smoke.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz cant keep it in anymore.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is some violence in this chapter so if you are not comfortable with that, skip the last part! And i do apologize to any Spanish speakers reading this haha, my Spanish is not very good at all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How are we doing in here?"</p><p>Luz shouted in to the house when she stepped inside of the infirmary again. </p><p>"She hasn't woken up yet! Should we worry?"</p><p>Rosita was sitting by Tara's side with a book in her lap and her feet on the bed. With shoes on.</p><p>"Hey at least take of your shoes if you are going to do that! Disgusting. I do not think we should worry just yet Rosita, Tara had quite the serious head trauma so i wouldn't be surprised really if she doesn't wake up for a few days even" </p><p>Rosita sighed and took her feet down from the bed. </p><p>"Really i think Denise should be the one to look after Tara, I have very basic knowledge in medicine that are not going to be of much use if Tara's condition become worse"</p><p>Luz sat down on the chair next to Rosita and made herself comfortable, her body still felt half asleep.</p><p>"Luz, right now i think that you are the more capable one. Denise even told us that she used to be a therapist, not even a real doctor." </p><p>Luz let out a small laugh.</p><p>"Really? That kind of makes sense to me to be honest. The way she was talking to Eugene before today.. Seemed like she knew just what to say."</p><p>Luz looked at Rosita, who seemed more tense then usual. On her forehead was even a wrinkle that came from her seemingly knitting her brows for a long period of time. </p><p>"Something on your mind Rosita?"</p><p>Asked Luz in her friendliest voice. </p><p>"have you talked to Rick today? He told me something that i cannot stop thinking about"</p><p>Luz frowned. Had Glenn started talking about her already?</p><p>"Last time i talked to him was before i went and took a nap, he told me he was going to talk to Deanna. Did something happen after that?"</p><p>Rosita nodded, still staring on the wall and avoiding Luz eyes. </p><p>"Yeah, he came by earlier and told me that Nicholas, the guy that had been on the trip with Tara and Glenn. He had told Deanna that nothing was his fault. That the reason Aiden and Noah had died was because Glenn had fucked up and attracted the walkers. Deanna is understandably grief struck right now, which seems to be good for Nicholas since she is believing his despicable lies. I mean Glenn was the one trying to save everybody! Nicholas is such an asshole i can not even believe it"</p><p>Thoughts were spinning around in Luz head, fast. </p><p>"I can believe it. From the moment that i stepped inside of these gates, he disproved of me. Does this mean that we are going to get thrown out of here?"</p><p>Rosita shook her head.</p><p>"No, maybe. I really do not know. Rick said he was going to work on it but the fact that Nicholas is still out there, spewing out his lies points tour disadvantage. It is weird to me that seeing Glenn's obviously beat up face still makes her think that it was his fault that her son died."</p><p>Glenn had not looked that beat up when she saw him earlier, this felt very much unsettling to Luz. </p><p>"Did someone beat him up? What happened to him"</p><p>Rosita sighed.</p><p>"Glenn got himself in to a fight, with one of Nicholas friends after they had a disagreement"</p><p>So Glenn had been right. When he had come to her earlier she should have gone and helped him out straight. Instead they might be kicked out of this place. And all because Nicholas is spreading his lies like a disease through the community. Luz felt anger rush through her.</p><p>"I see."</p><p>She replied to Rosita in her calmest voice. They sat in silence for a few moments after that, Rosita picked up her book again while Luz was trying her best not to punch a whole in the wall. Her knuckles were itching. She wanted to fight. She wanted to beat Nicholas in to a pulp, merely a mark on the ground. She wanted the satisfaction of crashing her knuckles in to his stupid face.</p><p>"Hey, I do not know why i have never asked this before but you speak Spanish right?"</p><p>Rosita turned towards her. </p><p>"si, el español es mi lengua materna"</p><p>Said Luz and smiled, it had been a few months since she had spoke her mother language.</p><p>"De verdad? podriamos haber hablado en español todo este tiempo sin que nadie se enterara... oportunidad perida"</p><p>Said Rosita and frowned. </p><p>"That accent sounds unfamiliar to me though, my family are Mexican but you do not sound like them at all when you speak Spanish"</p><p>Luz laughed while her friend looked at her, surprised at her laugh.</p><p>"Do you know how many times i have heard that? I grew up in El Salvador actually, lived in a rural part for most of my childhood, then a city for a few years and during my young adult years i moved around a lot between countries. That is why my accent sounds weird no matter the language i speak."</p><p>Rosita nodded, understanding. </p><p>"I love that. I am a second generation American, we hardly visited Mexico when i grew up. I grew up in a Spanish household though"</p><p>Luz smiled yet again at her friend, they had more in common then when they first met. Luz back then would never imagine becoming such close friends with this woman.</p><p>"You know when i first visited America i hated everybody here. I was raised with a hate for rich people so coming here and seeing all the old men with their young wives and fancy watches made me wanna puke my liver out"</p><p>Rosita giggled at Luz. </p><p>"I do not blame you at all, Americans are the worst. But can i ask why you were raised hating the rich? that is to interesting to not ask about"</p><p>Rosita asked a hard question. That would be hard to answer without telling to much. But who was she protecting? The world had ended so she shouldn't have to keep her secrets anymore. She stopped her internal battle and instead answered Rosita.</p><p>"Well to make a long story short, I was raised by my uncle and he was a very harsh man. And he considered most people his, our enemy. Including rich people. And that was the ideology he imprinted on me from the age of.. Seven? I think"</p><p>"Cool"</p><p>A comfortable silence spread between them and the thoughts started swirling in Luz head yet again. The feelings she so badly wanted to give in to, felt like they were pressing on the back of her head. Itching and trying to force themselves in. Luz could feel herself starting to twitch and suddenly she stood up from her chair. </p><p>"Hey, I think that i should head back. You seem to have a hold of things here, if something happens just come and get me."</p><p>Rosita nodded and looked up from her book again.</p><p>"Tell Rick that i said hi"</p><p>Luz stuck out her tongue at her friend and then headed out. The night was pitch black, except for the lamps here and there spreading a faint light from the inside of peoples houses. Okay, now do as you told Rosita. The thought was pushed out of her head fast. Instead her legs pushed her towards the gate Nicholas often stood guard. With a determined walk she made her way to the gate very fast. The only thing that now was on her mind was Nicholas. And how she was going to beat him up. As she got closer she could see a silhouette standing by the gate. It was him. His read hair and stubby figure was noticeable from where she was standing. The air around her felt heavy and filled till the brim with tension. She should turn around. Let Rick handle this with his words instead of doing this. Her last effort of trying to turn away failed and instead she called his name, not loud enough for people to hear it and be disturbed but high enough for him to hear.</p><p>"Hey Nicholas"</p><p>The man turned around with a surprised look on his face. Before he could move or react in any way, her fist connected to his face and a way to satisfying crack followed. This felt like coming home. The feeling of familiarity was strong as she delivered another satisfying punch to his stupid face. </p><p>"Wha?"</p><p>Nicholas was still standing but was visibly taken a back. Luz ignored the pain in her hand and instead her right hand came forward and she managed to hit right on the nose making Nicholas fall back on the ground. Hopefully she had broken his nose. </p><p>"Yo shut the fuck up!"</p><p>Nicholas made an effort to get up but she managed stop him by giving him a swift kick in the stomach. He coughed and looked pretty done for, so she bent down to get eye contact with the man. Still far enough for him not to be able to grab her. </p><p>"If you tell one more of your lies to anyone here then i am going to kill you with these bare hands. You are a very small and weak man Nicholas, and if you want to continue living i would say the smartest choice would be for you to just shut the fuck up."</p><p>She could feel his hot breath on her face as she spoke. </p><p>"Do you hear me??"</p><p>She lifted his upper body up by holding a tight grip of his shirt. Her arms were shaking a little by holding up his weight but she was fueled by pure anger right now so nothing could stop her.</p><p>"Nod if you understand Nicholas"</p><p>He nodded without saying a word. Her knuckles were hurting really bad at this point but Luz ignored the pain as well as she could.</p><p>"And if you tell anyone here who did this to you i am going to kill you. It does not matter if i get kicked out of here. I am still going to kill you. There is no way you can escape that if you tell on me, Nod if you understand"</p><p>Nicholas nodded, the look of fear in his eyes felt like a win to Luz so she let him go. Before she left she aimed another kick at his back. His back was hard on her foot and leaning on her injured foot was painful, but hearing him trying to catch his breath made it worth it.</p><p>"You disgust me"</p><p>Before she left she spit on him and then turned around without giving him another look.</p><p> </p><p>The evening wasn't late but the Grimes house was still quiet and dark. So Luz made her way through the house quietly, hoping that nobody would notice her. It wasn't until she was finished washing herself of in the bathroom that she bumped in to Rick in the hallway. The man was scruffy looking, in a way that made it seem like he had very recently woken up.</p><p>"I just came back from the infirmary! Rosita says hi"</p><p>He smiled at her with dazed eyes.</p><p>"Tell her hi back"</p><p>"I will, Sleep well Rick"</p><p>She kissed his cheek and then made her way to her room. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! First of all i need to say how happy i am if you have read to this point in the story. I really appreciate it! And now almost a third of the story is done! I am not going to lie, i have the ending of this pretty planned out already haha, so i am already kind of looking forward to it! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Lo Que Silento</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which something unexpected happens to Luz.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have been waiting for this one! Turn it up!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took a week for Nicholas to show his face in Alexandria again. And, when asked about his bruised face, he did not mention her or what she had did to him. And as soon as Nicholas stopped talking behind their backs, the people of Alexandria calmed down. The twist between the Alexandrian's and Luz people resolved after just about two weeks. And after those two weeks passed, Luz hands had also healed complete. She was left with nothing but a few faint bruises that were easily hidden by gloves. Rick had seen her hands the day after, but he hadn't asked any questions. He just looked at her, with those eyes that made her weak in the knees. The man was not easy to get along with when he was cranky. Luz figured he had come to conclusions after seeing her hands and then hearing about Nicholas. But his sour ways only lasted for about a day. After that it was back to normal. Whatever the normal now was. Neither of them spoke about the relationship that slowly formed between them. Neither of them wanted to speak about it either. Luz knew what he wanted to say. Of course she did, but the longer he didn't the happier she was. So another week passed by and now Tara had woken up. Luz had been just sitting by her bed, reading one of Ricks books when she suddenly heard a faint </p><p>"huh?"</p><p>The person that had been the absolute happiest was Rosita. The absolute Joy that Luz had seen on her friends face was something that she was not going to forget soon. It made her genuinely happy to see the two girls interact. A week after that and Rosita had moved out of Abraham's place and in too Tara's. That same week, Luz started to feel sick.</p><p>Luz made an absolutely horrible sound as today's lunch came up in the toilet. Her head was spinning as she then sat down on the cold tiles on the bathroom floor. She wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her sweater. That was disgusting. She hated puking more then anything and she had no idea why she was doing it. Food poisoning maybe? But she hadn't eaten anything unusual? Another wave of nausea hit her and so Luz carefully laid down on the floor. The cold floor against her head and back helped a bit, the feeling of disgust was still very much there though.</p><p>"Luz? Are you okay? Whats going on?"</p><p>Said Denise with a worried voice from the other side of the door. </p><p>"Come on in and see. The door is open."</p><p>The door opened with a slow creak. </p><p>"Oh my god! Whats all this about?"</p><p>She instantly bent down to feel Luz forehead. </p><p>"No fever. Do you think you might have food poisoning?"</p><p>Luz shook her head. </p><p>"No, I have not eaten anything out of the ordinary."</p><p>Denise scratched her head. She looked a little confused.</p><p>"Um.. I hate to be the one to ask you this but, do you think you might be pregnant?"</p><p>Luz instantly got hit by a wave of dread. Pregnant? The symptoms were all there, it would make sense. But she couldn't, how could she be pregnant after all of that?</p><p>"Do we have a test here?"</p><p>Denise nodded and quickly went out and got one.</p><p>"Here."</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>Luz hoped that Denise could see how grateful she was as she closed the bathroom door behind her again. After she was done with the test she yet again sunk down on the floor. She had to wait five long minutes before any result. Every second felt like an eternity. Thoughts were swirling around in her head as she sat there. Since that day, there had been absolutely no part of her that still thought that she could have a baby. It seemed like something very much impossible. And even if she was pregnant, how was she going to take care of a baby? she could barely take care of her self? It would be impossible. That baby would be far better of without her in its life. Luz looked down at the test, no result yet. A baby. The day she had been told that she was never going to have a baby she had been 20. The memories came flooding up now, there was no stopping them now. She had been so young. So fragile. And there had been so many serious men there. These men who always seemed to be there. And they had told her that she was lucky, lucky that she was still alive and that it had not hit her heart or lungs. That she was going to better now. Better of. That she was going to be better then all the others. Luz shrugged. Trying to shake of the memories. </p><p>"Beep"</p><p>A faint noise came from the pregnancy test. </p><p>Pregnant.</p><p>She was pregnant.</p><p>A baby inside of her.</p><p>Something growing. </p><p>A new life.</p><p>Growing like a little seed inside of her.</p><p>Luz took a deep and shaky breath. Right. What was the plan now? She got up from the floor. She should tell Denise. And Rick. But maybe not Rick. She opened the door to the bathroom and went back in to the infirmary again. Denise was talking to an older woman who had came in a bit earlier.</p><p>"Hey, Denise could i talk to you?"</p><p>Luz tried to be as discrete as she could as she spoke.</p><p>"Yeah, sure. Excuse for just a second Frankie."</p><p>They walked over to one of the other beds, a bit away from the woman.</p><p>"Are those tests accurate?"</p><p>Denise lit up with a big smile.</p><p>"Yeah, I would say so. I mean normally you would get a doctors appointment by now but i am no obgyn so this test will have to due."</p><p>Luz did not reply right away so Denise put a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>"Are you happy about this? or what is happening?"</p><p>Luz nodded.</p><p>"It is just very surreal. I never thought this would happen."</p><p>Denise smiled at her again.</p><p>"Really, so it is something you have been waiting for?"</p><p>Luz shook her head.</p><p>"No, it was not planned. But I had previous information that made me believe that i could never have children."</p><p>Said Luz as she bit her nail only to stop instantly. Bad habit. </p><p>"Did the test say anything about how far along?"</p><p>Denise asked her.</p><p>"No, but i am guessing that you can maybe guess when the baby was conceived? that is how close we are going to get."</p><p>A month ago maybe? Maybe a month and a half ago? </p><p>"A month i would say."</p><p>"Well congrats mama."</p><p>Luz flinched as she said that. Mama. She needed to find Rick.</p><p>"I have to go, can you take care of things here for a while?"</p><p>Denise nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, absolutely."</p><p>Luz hastily smiled at her and then went to find Rick. He told her this morning that he was going to be home until the evening so hopefully nothing had changed since that. The thought of a baby kept rolling around in Luz head as she walked. A baby. A baby with her genes? Weird. And maybe very cute. Also a baby with Ricks genes. Oh how she hoped this baby would look like their dad. </p><p>She almost stumbled up to the house. Her left foot was still stiff and sometimes aching from her old injury. She made her way in to the house to find a surprised looking rick sitting by the kitchen table, looking at papers. </p><p>"Hey, Get of work early?"</p><p>Luz nodded, slightly out of breath.</p><p>"Rick. I`m pregnant"</p><p>The look on his face was indescribable. He just stared at her, in awe. His eyes started wandering to her belly after a while.</p><p>"Wha.. Really? Are you absolutely sure?"</p><p>Luz shook her head.</p><p>"No, how could i? but i took a test just a little while ago and it was clearly positive."</p><p>Luz felt a little sad, he did not look to happy. Instead he looked a bit confused and looked down on the table. Luz couldn't help her self and let out a sniffle. As she did that, Rick looked up with an instantly surprised look.</p><p>"Hey, don`t be sad like that. Come here"</p><p>He waved his arms for Luz to come closer. He pulled her in to a big hug. </p><p>"We are going to be fine, no matter what Luz."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There are some mixed reactions in this chapter, but all in all i feel like they were mostly positive. Luz being pregnant is definitely going to be interesting to write. Next chapter there is going to be a little surprise for you all! Hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Otherside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which we see things from Ricks point of view.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her presence was always felt. That was something he liked about her, the fact that you could feel the air change in a room when she stepped in to it. All eyes fell to her, even if she didn't want them to, they just did naturally. Rick would often find himself staring at her in awe, it wasn't something he meant to do. His eyes just fell on her naturally. He would watch her laugh, her smile, the way she moved in a room and how she handled every situation thrown at her with such grace and just feel so incredibly blessed that he got to share a bed with her. Now Luz was not the type of person to show affection in public, but when they were by themselves she was so kind and soft. Every touch from her on his skin managed to give him goosebumps and every kiss they shared made him incredibly scared that he was one day going to loose this. Loose her. The feeling of safety and warmth that he had when she slept by his side, one arm over his stomach. Was not a feeling that he had had in a long time.</p><p>But Rick new that she was hurting. He was always awake those mornings were she woke up, breathing heavy and sweating. He always noticed when she got that 100 yard stare or when she was panicked but tried her hardest to cover it. But, she did not want to talk about it with him so he pretended that he didn't. He would comfort her when she came to him, but nothing more then that. She didn't want that. Their relationship laid unspoken between them. Like something holy, something they did not want to touch. But he wanted something more then that. Rick wanted something stable. Something that he could talk about. But she didn't, so he was okay with this. For now he was okay with just enjoying her, and the time that they would spend together. But then it had happened.</p><p>A baby. His baby. Their baby. A baby that would have her genes. If he could, he would go on the roof of their house and scream his lungs out about how happy he was. But he couldn't, not when she looked so incredibly unhappy. She told him that she wanted to keep the baby. But he had his doubts. Luz wasn't the mother type, never had been. But oh how he wished for her to be happy about this baby. With all his heart he wished and hoped that this baby was going to give them something good, something stable, a foundation to stand on.</p><p>The thoughts swirled around in his head as he walked through the forest like landscape. Daryl was right behind him and they where currently out looking for food and possibly seeds for crops. </p><p>"Have i told you that Luz is pregnant?"</p><p>Rick could hear Daryl stop in his tracks so he turned around to see him looking at him with a confused look.</p><p>"Really? Another baby?"</p><p>Rick nodded. He couldn't really determine his friends reaction by looking at him.</p><p>"Wow, cool. I guess. What are you thinking?"</p><p>Rick didn't really know that himself.</p><p>"I don´t know really, she told me just yesterday."</p><p>The two men started walking again at the same time, in tune with each other movements while still talking.</p><p>"Rick Grimes, father of three. Wow"</p><p>Rick snorted.</p><p>"Shut up man, i heard just the other day from Maggie that Beth had told her she wanted a baby of her own."</p><p>"Yeah i know, I´m just not ready for something like that just yet. Being a father is not something that i ever planned on being"</p><p>Rick looked at him while Daryl kept his focus on the ground.</p><p>"Yeah? but that must feel different now that you have Beth?"</p><p>Maybe this was how Luz felt?</p><p>"Maybe? Having a child is never something i myself have ever wanted, but if it is our child. Like a child that is half hers and half mine then i could imagine it. Maybe."</p><p>"I see"</p><p>After that they walked in silence for a bit. Rick, still thinking about Luz and the baby. He remembered very clearly those few conversations about her life before all of this. This one time she had said that she had often been told to never have children. That they would only be an issue for her. But when he had tried to ask her about it she had brushed over it. Saying something he could not remember. But it had rubbed him the wrong way. It felt like Luz had long been told that she shouldn't have children, so how was she going to happy to have one now?</p><p>"Hey! Look at this!"</p><p>Daryl pointed to a set of tracks in the mud that seemed to go further in to the woods.</p><p>"It´s not crops but i think we have a dear pretty close."</p><p>Rick frowned, Deanna had been specific in wanting to find crops or seeds to start farming with. But, they had been out here for almost two hours now without finding as much as a apple tree. </p><p>"Alright, you take the lead"</p><p>Daryl nodded and headed off in the same direction as the tracks. Rick did not like the process of tracking. It felt so very slow and boring, often he would just give up. He did not have patience in that way. But Daryl was good at it. He moved systematically, looking over everything more then once and never missing as much as a broken twig. SO Rick would often just follow his lead. Felt better that way. But the further out they got, the weirder it started feeling. Ricks own gut feeling told him that something was off. And just like that. They stumbled upon it.</p><p>The pit full of walkers.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ah this was too short, but it felt like a good chapter so i am all good. This was fun to write! But i do not think that i will be writing much more from ricks pov in the nearest future. Maybe on the 20th chapter :) Hope you enjoyed! I really am grateful for every single person reading this story.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. under the sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz experience new things.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a fun chapter i think! There is a bit of a name reveal that i think is interesting.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luz doubled over as she felt another wave of nausea hit her. It had been one day, barely since she had found out about the baby but ever since she had suffered from non stop nausea and feeling like shit. Right now she was laying in a fetal position on the couch, hugging her legs and trying to breath as well as she could. Denise had told her this morning to stay home after she had puked after only five minutes in the infirmary. So she had collapsed right here in the couch and had not moved an inch ever since. Her head was full of thoughts and she could not seem to catch a break from her body or her head today. The idea that there was a baby growing inside of her was not something she had processed yet. It felt like a very strange dream. Good for the most part, but the bad thought still came creeping up on her during moments like this. Thoughts of her Mother. Luz gulped, she wanted those thoughts gone. That was not something she could handle right now. But still they came. Pressing up on her. </p><p>Her mother had been pregnant when she died. Luz had been young. Very young, but she still remembered it like it was yesterday. The feeling of hot sand on her cheek, her hot tears running down her face as she was dragged away. Her home. Who was no longer. Luz could feel her breathing getting heavier and more strained. She needed to do something, get away. So she sat up. Rubbing her face to wake herself up. And just as she did that, the outer door opened up, Carl was coming in with Judith in his arms.</p><p>"Hi Luz! home already?"</p><p>He went and sat right next to her on the couch, Judith was still resting on his chest with closed eyes. The boy came as the perfect distraction from Luz thoughts. She still needed to tell him about the baby.</p><p>"Hi Carl, Yeah I stayed home today. I have some news to tell you actually."</p><p>Carl looked at her, with his blue eyes it always felt like he could stare in to your soul. </p><p>"I´m pregnant."</p><p>Carl´s expression did not change at first, but after a bit he frowned and sunk down. He took of his hat and itched his head.</p><p>"Did you mean to?"</p><p>Luz shook her head, worried about his reaction.</p><p>"No, it was really not planned. Let me take Judith from you"</p><p>The boy willingly handed over the sleeping baby to her and then crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p>"Another sibling. Weird"</p><p>Luz cradled Judith on her chest and smiled at the boy.</p><p>"Yeah, it´s weird for me too."</p><p>Carl looked at her with a weird look.</p><p>"Yeah? I think you would be a great mom"</p><p>Luz flinched. That was a first.</p><p>"What makes you say that?"</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>"You take great care of Judith, she really really likes you. And you are always so kind to me."</p><p>Carl looked away from her and stared up in the ceiling as he said the last part. </p><p>"Wow Carl, That means a lot."</p><p>Luz teased him a bit by rubbing her knuckles on his head, but what she said was sincere. And it got a smile out of the boy. </p><p>"Hey! Do you think i could choose the name again?"</p><p>He lit up and looked at her.</p><p>"Well that depends on what you have in mind?"</p><p>Carl was quiet for a moment to think.</p><p>"I have always liked the idea of a Carl Jr. If it´s a girl maybe Carly?"</p><p>Luz let out a laugh. </p><p>"Yeah, Yeah. We´ll have to see about that"</p><p>Carl frowned.</p><p>"Is your full name Luz? Maybe the baby can be named Luz jr?"</p><p>She had not been called anything else then Luz for many years. Maybe it was time for her to open up just a little bit. it shouldn't so dangerous.</p><p>"No, the name i was given at birth was actually not Luz. My mother, she gave me the name Lucia. But nobody has called me that in a long time"</p><p>Carl looked at her with big eyes. </p><p>"That´s sick! How come you go by Luz?"</p><p>Luz smiled at him, his curiosity was harmless.</p><p>"I was raised by my uncle you see. And he never liked my name. Said that it was too stuffy. So one day he just started calling me by the name of Luz. Then it just stuck with me. Even when I started working they only called me Luz."</p><p>Carl looked thoughtful.</p><p>"I have always wanted a nickname."</p><p>Luz gave him a smile. </p><p>"Well then i´ll give you one, how about.. Carl smalls?"</p><p>He looked at her weird.</p><p>"Smalls? I am not small"</p><p>Luz looked at him and pretended to be offended. </p><p>"You obviously don´t know who Biggie Smalls was?"</p><p>And so they continued talking. Sitting in the couch next to each other for almost an hour, discussing everything from rappers and comic books. Carl still insisted that the baby should be called Carl Jr and Luz promised that she would think about it. With Judith sleeping on her chest. Luz felt very peaceful. Like her previous thoughts never had been there at all. But Carl got tired of her after a while and went out again, and at the same time Judith woke up. Hungry and grumpy as ever.</p><p>"Come here baby"</p><p>Luz cradled the baby and moved back and forth as she searched the pantry for goods. </p><p>"There we have it!</p><p>She pulled out a can of apple sauce with one hand. She rocked at this. She put it down on the the kitchen table and then sat down on a chair with Judith in her lap, feeding her spoon after spoon. The baby was a monster when it came to food. She could devour everything. And she was so soft. Her little blonde head was the softest thing she had ever felt. Would Judith be happy with another sibling? Annoyed? Or would she maybe not care at all? One thing that Luz was grateful for was that her baby was going to be loved. No matter if she was not present or just bad parent. Her baby would still have her two amazing siblings and one dad would do anything to protect them.</p><p>Just as Judith had finished her food, the outer door opened up again.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>She couldn't see who it was.</p><p>"Luz come here!"<br/><br/></p><p>Seemed like Carl was back again. so she took Judith in her arms again and walked over to him. A very distressed Carl was standing at the door.</p><p>"Dad is back and there is an emergency meeting going on right now"</p><p>Emergency meeting? Weird, what could have happened for these people to recognize an actual emergency?</p><p>"Alright, I should be going. DO you wanna take Judith? Are they over at Deanna's house?"</p><p>Carl Nodded and took Judith from Luz arms.</p><p>"Yeah, i think you should hurry"</p><p>Luz nodded and put on one of the jackets hanging by the door. </p><p>"Alright, take care of your sister, if anything happens or goes wrong just come and find us"</p><p>Carl nodded and so Luz started making her way towards Deanna's fancy house. IT had been about a month since her last actual conversation with Deanna and her husband, she had carefully been avoiding every opportunity to talk with them since the weird party. Her guard went up around them, to her it always felt like something was wrong with them. People who continue to act like that despite being in a apocalypse must be hiding something. As she walked down the street she could feel herself getting more and more tense by the step. She even forced herself to stop for a moment right before she entered the house. Deep breaths. all she needed to do was breath. And she did. Trying not to focus on the house that felt like it was towering over her. </p><p>"Time to get your stuff together Luz"</p><p>She told herself, and then entered the house. The door was unlocked, as per usual but as soon as she entered the house she could hear multiple voices arguing over each other. she stopped for a moment to listen in.</p><p>"Something needs to be done! And it´s better sooner then later"</p><p>Rick.</p><p>"But if they haven´t been an issue this far then maybe they won´t bother us again?"</p><p>Some Alexandrian.</p><p>"That´s stupid. You can´t live of luck."</p><p>Rosita. Luz walked as quietly as she could in to the living room, where the voices came from for her to see a gathering of about fifteen people. Most of the people here where hers. About six or something like that where Alexandria's that she could recognize from walking by them on the street or treating them in the infirmary.  Rick was standing in the middle of it all, looking heated and angry. Unlike him. Her presence in the room was noticed by him as he smiled at her.</p><p>"See, Luz is here now. She´ll agree with us."</p><p>Rick pointed at her and the whole rooms attention turned to her. all fifteen pair of eyes seemed to be staring at her.</p><p>"Maybe if i knew what was going on? Carl just came home and said there was some kind of emergency meeting?"</p><p>The person to answer her was Daryl. </p><p>"When me and Rick where out, we found something. There is a pit a bit from here where walkers have been gathering up. The numbers are up in the thousands."</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, i myself really did. The possibility is always there for me to write more from Ricks point of view in the future. Leave a comment if you are liking the story so far! I love reading feedback no matter what it is. Can i say also that i am really bad at editing, hahaha, i am way to impatient and often i just straight up post without reading through. So if you see something that is not correct,  don´t be afraid to tell me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Left hand free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which a plan is created.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just wanna say, thank you so much for 300 reads! I appreciate every single person that have read this story!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Whaat? How? Where?"</p><p>Luz brain seemed to have gotten brain damage or something because she seemed unable to get out another word.</p><p>"There is a place just a few miles from here, it looks like a sort of quarry. And from what we can see, the walkers have been gathering up there for quite a while."</p><p>The wheels in Luz head slowly started spinning again. if they are still there then they must be unable to leave?</p><p>"Are the exits blocked? How come they haven't wandered of?"</p><p>Rick spoke now, instead of Daryl. The rest of the room was still quiet.</p><p>"We could see some trucks blocking the exits, but there is no saying how long that is going to last."</p><p>The wheels in Luz head were spinning fast now. There was only two choices here. Maybe only one. They could try and fortify the exits so they last longer, but looking at the bigger picture that would not work. The sound of the walkers would attract more and more to the point of it becoming unmanageable. Their best shot was trying to get rid of them soon. </p><p>"I say we try and lead them away"</p><p>Her words sparked up the conversation in the room again. The people were in a rush to get their opinion heard. To be noticed and validated. Luz could understand them. They were scared. This was their first threat in a long time, they weren't used to this, not made for this. So she could understand the panic. She had seen it before. But as usual she felt unfazed, it was during these moments. These moments of panic that she could feel calm and collected. She was going to protect herself, herself and her baby. If the rest of them lived that would be up to them. </p><p>"Gives your input Luz" </p><p>It was Glenn that spoke up. He looked at her with eyes that seemed to be indicating that he wanted her to say something. Had he said something? about her past?</p><p>"Have i not already?"</p><p>Glenn sighed and looked meaningful at her. </p><p>"Yeah, but maybe from a more professional view?"</p><p>Luz froze. She couldn't say anything before an Alexandrian spoke up. Luz recognized her as Karen.</p><p>"Professional? isn't she a nurse? what would she know?"</p><p>Glenn frowned at the women and answered before Luz could speak yet again. Not that she really wanted to. </p><p>"Luz is a vet. right?"</p><p>Some of the people in the room now seemed to be listening in. Including Rick. Luz felt painfully aware of their presence. But she nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, paramedic in the army for 8 years."</p><p>That was not a complete lie. </p><p>"Really? 8 years? how old are you?"</p><p>The woman had a very surprised expression on her face. </p><p>"27. I enlisted at 18"</p><p>Glenn smiled at her. As if he wanted to express some sort of solidarity. </p><p>"So go ahead. Please give us your input."</p><p>The room had now quieted down again and all eyes seemed to be on her. These people were unbelievable. </p><p>"Well i pretty much already said that already. They need to be diverted. So many walkers are hard to contain or kill if you don´t have a bomb or something similar. Maybe if they could be diverted with sound? or something like that? since the exits are right now blocked we still have control of the situation and time to make a solid plan."</p><p>She met the eyes of Rick, the man smiled at her. And a warmth spread in Luz chest. His smile could turn her to jelly in a matter of seconds, no matter the situation.</p><p>"Well, I for one agree with Luz"</p><p>Said Rick, still looking at her.</p><p>"The best decision would be to try and get rid of them. Just as i said before."</p><p>Deanna, who had been staying quiet until now spoke up.</p><p>"Yes. Rick and his friend have the right idea. We cant be living under the constant threat of these walkers."</p><p>As the conversation sparked up again, Luz backed up to the wall. She did not want all eyes on her again. That had been awful. Before she could sneak out of the house completely, a hand grabbed her arm. </p><p>"Hey"</p><p>Said Rick and met her eyes.</p><p>"You okay?"</p><p>Luz nodded. </p><p>"Yeah. Why?"</p><p>Rick frowned at her. She could not lie to him. He could read her too well. </p><p>"Glenn should not have said that"</p><p>Luz shook her head.</p><p>"It´s fine. it´s just what i did for a living, no big deal really."</p><p>Rick looked at her, a little weary. </p><p>"It doesn't seem like it? As soon as he said it you looked like you wanted to melt through the floor"</p><p>Luz sighed. This was getting annoying.</p><p>"I promise you that i am fine. Okay?"</p><p>Rick hesitated but nodded. Hopefully he had picked up on how her mood had changed.</p><p>"I´m gonna go"</p><p>And without another word, she exited the house. It felt like heaven to get outside again. The air felt sweeter and the sun felt warmer. Luz even felt a sense of pride over herself. She had gotten out of that situation with minimum damage. Her uncle would have been proud. It stung a little to think of him. As it often did. But this time it felt better. She walked as she went over the memories in her head. She wanted to think of him. The man who raised her. The man who had been bitter his whole life because of what he had lost. He was probably more at peace now then he ever had been alive. And she was glad that he had died before all of this. She really was. Luz smiled to herself as she made her way through the streets of Alexandria. </p><p>She knew that she was going to survive this. She had been through worse.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for 300 readers! Wow i love that! Hope you enjoyed today's chapter and leave a comment if you'd like. These three past chapters have kind of been revolving around the same thing but i promise things are going to pick up next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Money Trees</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Luz has a rough day</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is important to me. I am still going to keep up my past statement about George Floyd and blm since i believe it deserves a place even on this platform. If you don´t agree i don´t want you reading this period.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A month had passed since they started making a plan. Everyday that passed, Luz learned to love her baby a bit more. And she was proud of herself for that. But everyday she also got a clearer head. Which had her more and more worried. Her past and the things that had happened to her body worried her. She could not stop thinking about it. Every night she went to sleep she did nothing but think of her baby in there and how she might be putting it in danger every day. So she still had troubles falling asleep at night, her head occupied of thoughts and often with Ricks arm wrapped around her. She liked him. She really did. But when she laid there, stuck in her own head, not being able to move and his arm around her. It felt like she was going to suffocate. A feeling that was familiar to her and often came with her anxiety. She wasn't unfamiliar to panic attacks and such things. That had came with her time in the army. But every time the feeling came, she was still just as scared as the first time it happened.</p><p>As she continued her inner struggles the world around her continued to spin. Plans where in the making and everyone wanted to be involved. She had watched Rick find himself a leading role in all of this and for that she was proud. It was a constant struggle for him as well. The man never wants to be a leader and yet he always end up as one. Luz did not hate it. He had much more sense in his body then many of these people and if one person was going to take the lead and succeed with this mission it was going to be him. Luz herself tried to stay out of it though. She still did not feel very comfortable around the Alexandrian´s and every time she had been involved in a conversation with them the past month her past career had been brought up. But she still continued on with her daily routines. Waking up early, going to work, talk to Denise and help with the few patients that came in, going home and then going to bed. She did this everyday without a fail. She was very much used to a routine to follow so this felt nice. Lately she had started contemplating talking to Denise about her issues. She felt a need to ease her mind. This was one of those days. She was currently taking care of some old medicine as Denise called on her. </p><p>"Luz? Earth to Luz?"</p><p>Denise waved her hand in front of Luz face. </p><p>"You look a little off?"</p><p>Luz finally came to senses and looked back at her. </p><p>"Yeah, just a lot of thoughts on my mind."</p><p>Denise knitted her brows.</p><p>"Well talk to me then, you know i used to be a therapist"</p><p>She smiled at Luz. It was with a weird feeling that Luz decided to speak up about her issues. </p><p>"Do you know how past physical trauma can affect your body?" </p><p>Denise kept a blank expression and sat down on a chair. Luz could easily see her professionalism come forward.</p><p>"I think it depends on how long it has been and how present this trauma still is. Often trauma just leaves its traces with anxiety, panic attacks and similar things. That can affect your body but it is nothing that will kill you. Anything specific that you are thinking of?"</p><p>Luz bit her nail. She was hesitant to be too specific.</p><p>"Do you think it can affect pregnancy?"</p><p>Denise still looked very professional and continued to have a blank expression on her face. After a little while she shook her head. </p><p>"No, I might be wrong in this, since I am no expert but still I don´t think so"</p><p>Luz nodded with relief. She felt more at ease now at least. </p><p>"Do you mind me asking what happened?"</p><p>Luz flinched at the question. Should she? Maybe it was better for her baby if Denise knew all the information? She should tell her.</p><p>"When.. when i was younger. Around 20, just in the beginning of my career i was out on a field mission. I was a young and eager Soldier who thought nothing could stop me. I felt immortal. So naturally i was also stupid. I stepped ahead of the group and stepped right in to an explosive."</p><p>Denise just watched her with big eyes.</p><p>"I had to be patched together after that. It was hard for me to move in any way at all for about six months after that. The doctors at the hospital told me that i would never have any children"</p><p>They where both quiet for a while after that. Lux was tense, wondering what the woman in front of her would say.</p><p>"I´m sorry to hear it Luz. Breaks my heart to hear you talk about it. But I don´t think that any harm could come to your baby because of that. Your injury was a long time ago, everything is most likely healed up by now."</p><p>Luz nodded yet again. Feeling like a weight lift of her chest. She was fine. Her baby was fine in there now. She patted her stomach affectionately and smiled at Denise. </p><p>"thank you. I have not been able to stop thinking about it"</p><p>Denise smiled back at her. Her face and her calm way always had a certain effect on Luz. She could definitely see her as a therapist.</p><p>"Its no problem at all. You can always talk to me about stuff like this you know."</p><p>Luz faintly smiled back at her. If only Denise knew how long she had debated in her head about telling her or not. It was a constant inner struggle.</p><p>"Do you have any other war stories to tell me?"</p><p>Asked Denise, trying to ease up the tension in the situation a bit. Luz sat down in the chair facing Denise, so they now where face to face. Luz stuck out her tongue to her. </p><p>"No, nothing interesting really. I worked in the army for almost all of my adult life and started my base training as a teenager but it has not brought me much joy. I feel often like i barely got out of it alive."</p><p>Denise looked surprised at Luz sudden willingness to talk about her life. She seemed to be wanting to take advantage of the opportunity though, because she continued asking questions.</p><p>"Why did you quit? I mean presuming it was your choice?"</p><p>Luz crossed her legs, she could not remember much from those days before she was discharged. </p><p>"I had an medical discharge. I was unfit to stay in my position or do anything at all"</p><p>"Was it an injury?"</p><p>Luz shook her head.</p><p>"No, I was riddled with ptsd and other mental conditions that i had gotten very recently. I was even delirious at one point and very unable to do my job."</p><p>Denise looked surprised. </p><p>"I would not have guessed that."</p><p>Luz smiled at her and bit her nails before answering.</p><p>"It was a while ago now. I was forced on a better path by a person that cared about me."</p><p>Denise looked at her with empathy in her eyes. She reminded Luz of A very faithful Golden Retriever.</p><p>"Well I´m glad to hear it Luz. I hope you stay on that path."</p><p>Luz nodded and a weird silence spread between them for a while.</p><p>"Would it be okay if i left? I wanna find Rick."</p><p>Denise nodded instantly. </p><p>"Yes of course! there is not much to do here anyways"</p><p>Luz smiled at her and then headed towards the door. The infirmary had grown on her these past weeks. She liked how white and clean it was, she felt a sort of comfort every time she walked in there. It was like the feeling of calmness came with the building. So naturally she couldn't help but feel a little uneasy when she left the building, because Alexandria had not grown on her. The houses and the people living here still felt pretty absurd to her. She did not understand them, even resented them in some ways. Resented their ways of living. She had as much self awareness to know that this was coming from her growing up poor and having the constant feeling of being looked down on during her childhood, but she still could not help herself to feel it. It was like 13 year old Luz awoke every time she walked these streets. The feeling that somebody was going to call the cops on her was still heavy. And that was another reason she felt distant from Rick. He was a cop. He grew up middle class and with parent who cared about him everyday. She couldn't speak to him about her childhood without him looking sad. Without him realizing that her everyday was like that. Sad. Luz sighed as she walked. Class differences were a difficult thing. Hopefully her child wasn't going to experience the same things she did. She looked up at Deanna's house. The meetings often happened here, hopefully he was going to be here too. </p><p>Walking up to the door she could hear the sound of voices talking and one very recognizable southern accent. Luz opened the door to the house and stepped in to the hallway. This house always smelled like nobody was living there. Like it had been empty for a while. After Deanna's son had died it had started to like empty as well. You rarely saw the woman nor her husband out on the streets. Luz followed the sound of voices. </p><p>"We cant keep pushing up the day. It has to happen sometime soon or it will not happen at all. Because we will all be dead."</p><p>That was clearly Rick speaking. As Luz entered the living room she could see him standing in the middle of the room speaking to the people around him. Deanna was surprisingly not there but most of the people in their group was. Plus a few uncomfortable looking Alexandrian's who were currently exchanging weird looks. None of them seemed to be noticing her until she spoke up.</p><p>"Hi"</p><p>All eyes turned to her and Rick greeted her with a strained smile. She met his eyes, which blue color reminded her of a stormy ocean. A bit desperate and a bit insecure.</p><p>"We are just now finishing up here."</p><p>Luz nodded at him.</p><p>"Don´t mind me, i can wait."</p><p>The conversation sparked up again as Luz sat down on the edge of a sofa. Sitting right below her was Rosita who looked very bored. But she smiled when she saw Luz. With a whisper she talked to her.</p><p>"This has been going on for hours now Luz. Tara is making spaghetti at home and I wanna go hooome"</p><p>Luz smirked at her. Her friend had been changing very much the past month. For the better actually.</p><p>"Yeah, I promised Carl a break from being with his sister tonight so hopefully its over soon."</p><p>Luz tuned in to the other conversation again. The Alexandrian's were obviously against Ricks decision. But he was getting impatient. She could see it in his mannerism. </p><p>"Rick we need more time. You cannot be the only one making decisions here. Hopefully we still live in a democracy."</p><p>Said one man.</p><p>"Yeah. Who died and put you in charge."</p><p>A weird silence took its place in the room for a few minutes before Rick spoke up again.</p><p>"I am not having this anymore. The test run is happening tomorrow and that is final"</p><p>After saying those last words he stormed out of the room, and then house. Luz followed him right after. </p><p>"Hey! Wait up"</p><p>She had to run out of the the house to keep up with him and his fast pace. She put a hand on his shoulder making him stop in his tracks and turn around. </p><p>"You good?"</p><p>She looked at the distraught man who looked at her hand that still was on his shoulder. He nodded slowly. </p><p>"Yeah.. Those people in there. They just annoy me so much."</p><p>Luz snorted. </p><p>"Rick, me too. You are not alone in that."</p><p>A small smile spred on his face, the wrinkle between his eyebrows disappearing. He took her hand in his.</p><p>"Let´s go home"</p><p>He said in a more toned down voice then usual. Luz nodded.</p><p>"Let´s do that"</p><p>Hand in hand they then walked all the way back "Home". Usually she would mind holding his hand in public like this. But she could do it for him. At least this time. The rest of the day they spent with Judith. Drawing, reading and cooking. It was like some little made up world she liked escaping to once in a while. She would like to spend more time there once in a while. Rick even talked to her about the walker plan and what it looked like. A test run was happening the next day he was a little afraid that these people would not be able to do it. That he was going to be the one to somehow destroy Alexandria. She was quick to ensure him that it would not be the case. At the end of the evening she ended up in his arms, talking about everything and nothing.</p><p>"Carl is still pushing to for Carl Jr."</p><p>Said Rick while slightly shaking with laughter. He found the idea of naming their baby Carl Jr very very funny.</p><p>"I actually have some suggestions."</p><p>Said Luz. </p><p>"Yeah? Out with them!"</p><p>She smiled up at him. </p><p>"Well if it´s a boy i was thinking Noel. After my Uncle. He would have loved that i think. And if it´s a girl I would love for her to be named Ana. After my mother."</p><p>Rick tilted her head up slightly so he could place a tender kiss on her lips. </p><p>"I would say its decided then."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>Rick nodded. </p><p>"Yeah it sound perfect."</p><p>Luz laid her her head on his chest. feeling content with life in that moment.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>good chapter i think! Hope you enjoyed it, please remember to sign petitions regarding the blm movement and donate if you can.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. When I R.I.P</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Luz has a good morning.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I’ve been on a little break but hopefully I’ll update on the regular now. Anyways this was a bit emotional to write, hope you like it!. There’s also a bit of a name reveal in this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air was quiet, still. And Luz was feeling content laying in bed with one hand on her slightly putting stomach. Without really thinking she was rubbing her hand on her stomach. She had become quite fond of it actually. She liked the way it looked and how it felt when she looked down on it. To have a life growing in there was something so unexpected but still so beautiful. She knew that now. Right now she had the bed to herself, as Rick had left early morning to do trial run with the walker pit. She would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t worried. She was, at least a part of her was. The other part of her knew that in this world worrying was just a waste of energy. Everyone was at risk of dying all the time. What happened out there was something she could not control, so she could not spend all her time thinking about it. She often found herself repeating that thought in her head. She had spoken to Rick about it last night. Who was very much a more worried type of person then she was. They talked about them, and their children. What would happen to them if both she and Rick would pass away. The thought hadn’t scared Luz very much, but it did leave her wondering. Wondering if her baby would remember her if she passed. And that did leave her a little worried. So now, this still morning she had decided on something. She was going to write a letter to her future child. With a grunt she got up from her very comfortable position in the bed and sat down at the desk they had in there. Pulled out both pen and paper. <br/><br/></p><p>“Hola, el amor. This is your mom writing. Hopefully you will never have to read this letter. Oh how I hope you won’t have to. But if you are then I need you to know one thing before reading the rest. You where my greatest gift ever given. The live I felt for you was the greatest love I have ever experienced in my life. It filled up my once empty heart to the brim with love and adoration for you. You see I was once told that having a child would be impossible for me. But then there you where. Like a little wonder child.</p><p>Right now I don’t know your gender nor your name, I probably won’t know your name for a few more months but I do have a few names in mind for you. I haven’t told your dad yet though but I feel like he can be persuaded to about anything. If you are a girl I would like to    have you named Ana, that was my mother’s name. And if you are a boy I want to name you Noel. That was the name of the man who took care of me almost my whole life. The same way I would have taken care of you. If he where here today he would have loved to be called abuelito by you. He wasn’t a soft man in any way but I know in my heart that he would have been soft for you. </p><p> </p><p>My baby, I believe that nothing I write here can really compare to what it would be like to really have me there. But I will try to write down at least a few of my wisdom's in this letter. Oh how I wish that I knew you. The little person that you are today. My love I so hope you have a heart full of love. That you are doing more then surviving in this world. I myself felt from a young age that in order to survive anywhere I needed to be as rude to the world as it was to me. But that’s not the case. I can promise you that. So I hope you find it in you too feel, to love, to be loved, to laugh with your whole body and to cry as much as you want. I wish someone told me this when I was young. It’s okay to feel, to be vulnerable and express your feelings. <br/><br/></p><p>My live you are who you are, the world won’t forget it and neither will you. So wear it like an armor and wear it with pride. That way it will never be used to hurt you. <br/><br/></p><p>/love, your mother who went by Lucia Salazar. I loved you more then I could ever write down on these papers.”</p><p>A few tears rolled down Luz face as she put away the letter. She would do anything if it meant her child never had to read that. When Rosita came back she would ask her friend to store it for her. There was nobody she trusted more then Rosita and Rick in this place. Luz put on a sweater, a big one so it was probably Ricks. She then went to check on baby Judith in her room. The baby was already awake and sitting up in her crib. Her eyes became large when she saw Luz enter the room. A small smile spread on the girls face and she let out a coo. </p><p>"good morning Judith! are you happy to see me?"</p><p>the baby let out another sound as a reply.</p><p>"I am going to take that as a yeas"</p><p>Luz went and picked up the baby, resting her against her chest so she could give her a proper hug before heading downstairs. After a little while of hugging, Judith let out another sound indicating that she was sick of it.</p><p>"Okay baby lets get get us some breakfast."</p><p>Luz made her way downstairs, to put Judith down in her highchair. </p><p>"What type of fine dining should we do today Jude?"</p><p>Luz held up one can of apple puree in one hand and a can of pear puree in the other.</p><p>"Apple or pear?"</p><p>Judith reacted to the second one so Luz went ahead and opened the can. She handed the baby a plastic spoon.</p><p>"I know you have done this before Judith and I´m rooting for you"</p><p>Judith gleefully started poking around in the can as Luz went to pop two slices of bread in the toaster. </p><p>The morning continued this way. Calm and comforting. Carl was the one in the family who seemed to be the most uneasy at this time. He worried more about his dad then Luz, which was understandable considering everything. He did not talk about it but Luz could guess that he also felt quite worried about that girl who had run away. She had seen the two together quite a lot so her leaving had to be hard on the boy. But she was not going to force him to talk about anything he did not want to. </p><p>After a few hours of eating breakfast and talking, Luz and Judith headed over to Carols place. Judith was going to spend the day with her as Luz still had work to do in the infirmary. Most of the Alexandrian´s where gone today, so walking the streets felt a bit eerie. A tension seemed to lie in the air, even Judith seemed to feel it as she squirmed in her stroller. Luz was not having it, she did not want her nice morning ruined by the bad vibes so she made it her priority to just ignore it.</p><p>After dropping off the baby at Carols place Luz headed over to the infirmary. As she walked her head was full of thoughts about Carol. The woman had an act up. And it made Luz a little uneasy to see the woman fall in to this so easily. Good liars where rarely good people, she would know seeing she was one herself. The thoughts of Carol faded away as she had made her way to the infirmary, she see Denise through the window already which made her crack a smile to herself. Denise would never ruin a good day. </p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>Denise greeted her as Luz entered the building, wiping of her shoes on the welcome mat before entering the room.  </p><p>"Hey yourself, what are you up too?"</p><p>Denise did´t answer instantly. Instead she looked conflicted, looking between the papers on the table in front of her and Luz. </p><p>"Well.. I feel rather stupid asking you this. Since your pregnant and all that.. But i kind of need a favor"</p><p>Luz frowned at her. Denise should have known better then to think like that.</p><p>"Denise,  am barely three months along at this point so i think I´m capable to still do everything i used to do."</p><p>Denise raised her hands put on a exaggerated defeated expression on her face.</p><p>"As your personal doctor I don´t know how to feel about it but sure."</p><p>She spread the papers in front of her before continuing to speak. </p><p>"Yesterday I had some trouble so naturally I stayed up all night looking at pharmacy's in the close area. And! i stumbled upon this one"</p><p>She pointed on a spot on one of the papers who Luz now could see was a map. A map that had been very doodle upon. But there was a big circle around one particular spot. </p><p>"Despite us raiding almost every place in the are i could not find any evidence saying that we had been here. And I´m thinking.. since we are doing that transport thing with all the walkers in just a few days we are bound to have a whole lot of new injuries.."</p><p>Denise trailed of a little while she was speaking, looking down at the papers. Luz snapped her fingers at her trying to get the woman's attention again.</p><p>"Yeah sorry! What i wanted to get through is that we are in need of medicine."</p><p>Luz nodded.</p><p>"Say no more, of course I´ll do it. Are there any guns left?"</p><p>Denise nodded excitedly.</p><p>"I checked out one just yesterday because of this"</p><p>She reached back and pulled out a gun who apparently had been pressed towards her back. This woman surprised Luz everyday.</p><p>"You came prepare i see."</p><p>Denise handed her the gun and Luz carefully accepted it. Denise then pulled out a small bag, that she put the map in. </p><p>"You have no idea, in there you´ll find just about everything you need for this."</p><p>Luz nodded.</p><p>"Nice, I´m gonna head out right away."</p><p>She was just about to leave when Denise pulled her in to tight hug. A little to tight fro her taste. A little shocked she patted Denise on her back. </p><p>"I´ll be just fine don´t worry to much."</p><p>Denise nodded and Luz headed out. She did not plan on telling Carl or Carol that she was leaving, she was going to be back soon and if they were wondering Denise could just tell them. This assignment had filled her up with some of the confidence that she used to have. There was absolutely no way she wasn´t going to absolutely nail this. So she made her way through the still very much empty Alexandria towards the gates. </p><p>The only person looking over the gates was Spencer, Deanna's son. </p><p>"I´m going out to pick up some med-"</p><p>She didn´t even Finnish her sentence before he pulled open the gate. The boy had a sour expression his face, as per usual really. But Luz didn´t complain. The sooner she got to come out. </p><p>Her first step outside the gates of Alexandria felt freeing in a terrifying way. Her first breath of air on the outside felt sweet. And Luz could not help but smile as she started walking down the road. The feeling of the gun pressing on her back served as a calming presence and it made it easy for her to enjoy being out there. She was really enjoying it for the first time ever probably. The trees stood tall around the road and when she looked up at the sky she swore she could see cracks of blue in the ever so grey sky. </p><p>The map Denise had given her was easy to follow, the road towards the Pharmacy was straight forward and not to long. It was strange really that the group had never gotten to this place before. After a while of walking, she could spot a yellowish building a bit further down the road and hear the fain sound of walkers in the distance. A small part of her reacted harshly to this. If there was walkers she could be in danger. And if she was in danger her baby was in danger and- </p><p>cold hard metal pressed towards the back of her head.</p><p>"Don´t turn around or I´ll fucking kill you!!.. SIMON!! I GOT ONE"</p><p>Looks like Luz good day had been ruined after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is not edited very well since i wrote it sporadically at like 2 am. But you enjoyed. I will be speeding up the story line a bit here if that can give you guys a clue on who this new person might be! Also it means the world to mean when somebody comments so if you like the story so far i would love for you to leave a comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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